“Throughout my lifetime I've left pieces of my heart here and there. And now, there's almost barely enough to stay alive. But I force a smile, knowing that my ambition far exceeded my talent.”

Dear Simplistics,
Ya know the old expression- ignorance is bliss? Yeah… I never bought. I never could wrap my head around the concept of it. You mean to tell me… not knowing, was better than knowing? I blame it on my astrological sign- month to month those damn stars always line up in some twisted spectacle to make my “fiery curiosity” come alive (appreciate it, no really). If you know me slash have been in a room with me long enough to take 5 breaths… Silence and I don’t match. No matter what I’m wearing, no matter what kind of mood I’m in… silence clashes. I will push silence off the edge of the earth to uncover what’s really going on. I seek out meanings and I always have to know, “what the hell really happened.” This is with everything-a great shoe sale but they don’t have my size, Why? I’ve watched my Mom bake the same casserole since I was three… yet my attempt ends with smoke alarms and empty stomachs, Why? I mean, I’m 6 feet tall yet hand me a basketball and see how quickly you ask for it back, Why? Maybe it’s because I have a tremendous amount of faith that everything happens for a reason and purpose… Either way when it comes to failed relationships, I still ask the same, why? Most stable, normal minded girls can walk away after they are told “Hey, it’s not going to work out between us.” She might shed a few tears, drink a few martinis with girlfriends, put together a fabulous outfit and then hit the road running… looking for the next “Mr. Right.”

This girl right here, yeah… never learned how to do that. After things fly south in a relationship, I try to pick up the pieces and when that doesn’t cut it, I walk away, mustering up a semi-poker face. I then add the relationship into the “Whelp, this one didn’t work out” filing folder. Never fails, months later I check back in to see if any new evidence has surfaced for me to piece together- creating my closer (Side note, I have this horrible/terrific gift of being able to be friends with these gentleman months after the heartbreak… I blame the Aries sign again- “your magical natural ability to forgive and forget”).

So when I meet up with these “ex-somethings” slash evolved into a great guy friend to catch up…(Here is where I dig into this evidence to try to better understand myself with the rise and fall of my empire relationships…) I began to realize a very crucial recurring situation in my relationship scene… 8 times out of 10 the recurring theme is that my “ex-something” was now in another relationship. Not just a new girlfriend, but with someone they “could really see themselves settling down with.” (Cue violins)

One of my “ex-somethings”- turned great guy friends, spoke volumes to me one day over coffee…. “Amber, you were a Marilyn and I needed a Jackie.”
No but really, this didn’t affect me the way it might to some, I took these cold hard facts and began to crack my own self mystery… see these girls that my “ex-somethings” accumulated…were exact opposite from me. Take everything that makes me, well, me… flip it, reverse it, convert it- that was who my “ex-somethings” were now dating. Hence brings me to my point… Are there really two types of girls in this world… Jackie’s and Marilyn’s?

People have written books on this topic. People have done research into this theory and bar none it seems you cannot escape the reality of the two and most importantly without one... could the other even exist?

I will do my best to piece this together for you in my own words and in the end my hope is that you can benefit in your own relationship, in your own self mystery.

Jackie- often described as “She’s a nice girl. She’s so sweet. She’s uncomplicated.” She’s the woman who is a girlfriend first and girl second. She’s the woman, who has dinner ready every night and does everything she commits to. She’s proper, poised and pearl stud earrings are most defiantly involved. She keeps the house in order and always compliments her boyfriend on a job well-done. She was brought up in tradition-to nurture and listen to what she was told. Jackie learned to cook and iron at an early age and dinner parties come naturally to her. Jackie’s are patient, Jackie’s are kind. Jackie’s believe all things, hope all things, and endures all things-all the while managing to wear white and keep it clean.

Marilyn- often described as, “She’s a wild one. She does everything so different, strange and exciting.” She’s the woman who at the end of the day would rather be unhappy alone then unhappy in company. She’s the woman, baking a frozen pizza with one hand and her blackberry in the other. She might speak out of line, she’s raw and isn’t afraid to tell you what she thinks. Marilyn’s are a divine mixture of intelligence and imagination without filter from the mind to tongue. She was brought up to respect tradition but think untraditionally. She was taught to create a family and to love them unconditionally, no matter the circumstances. She’s born with a tremendous need for affection and a sincere will to give it. Marilyn’s can play the Stepford wife masterfully but prefer that it ended once the dinner party was over. Marilyn’s are passionate. Marilyn’s are dreamers. Marilyn’s will bear all things, expect all things and love all things-you can’t feed a Marilyn fire and expect her to live off of air.

So here you have it folks, the symbolic struggle between the Marilyn’s and the Jackie’s.

... Yes, I tend to be much more of a Marilyn then a Jackie. I don’t know the first thing about a pot roast, I never get the table setting right and maybe I pour my drinks a bit on the stronger side. I prefer black shirts over white, I talk a bit too loud and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’m rough around the edges and I challenge history. I want to be a woman who inspires others to take risks, I want to be a mother to whom my daughter can lean on and I want to be a wife to someone who stands beside me, not in front or behind me. Throughout every single relationship these objectives were never hidden, masked or blurred … "I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them. They obviously loved somebody I wasn't."-A quote from the dolly herself, Marilyn.

So to drive it all home… I have nothing against Jackie’s, for without them who am I? There have to be vast differences in the world to make it a beautiful place… if all women were the same, how awfully boring our lives would be. I need my life filled with an abundance of beauty- it literally takes my breath away; that feeling is so intense and spectacular that I want to soak up every second of the minute. Once again, I’m not a Jackie hater, in many ways I admire her. I admire her from a distance drinking vodka tonics, wearing sparkly hoops and leopard print. And if she ever asked me for advice I’d give it, if she ever asked me to share my life, I’d reveal it- and hey, what the heck... I’d even get up enough nerve to ask her for the pot roast recipe.


With love and boldness,