Dear Fellow Experts,
Ok here it goes… the past month of my fabulous life has blindsided me. Let’s talk about the changes…I hope you are sitting down… #1 I’ve fallen madly in love with a sport: Football. #2 I cook. #3 I have a really horrible guest living with me. Impossible you say?!? No all three things happened, occurred and continue to be episodes in my life. The crush on football was arranged; I had multiple support systems to encourage this. There were prayer groups formed, a bit of sabotaging and I think a hypnotist was on call. I mean I live in Baltimore City… if at any point this love affair was going to happen, this was the year, season and the team. The new found love for the boys of fall has been exhilarating and although I have many things to learn and catch up on… it’s been enjoyable.
The cooking comes from an interesting wild card that I have been dealt; this is another blog all together so stay tuned to the story. Although, yes, I will give away at least the card game… Girl meets Guy, Girl wants to keep Guy around, and Guy asked if she can cook….. Girl-“You bet your bottom dollar I can cook!” It’s not that I didn’t understand the rhythm and reason behind cooking, my follow-through just needed some work. My Mother could never understand this, “You love to eat, but don’t want to learn how to prepare it? What are your kids going to eat? Frozen pizzas and chicken nuggets their whole life”…. Whew, so needless to say when I told my mom I had began the domestic journey, she was thrilled. … Maybe the biggest victory of all is the smoke alarm has yet to call.(sorry I couldn't resist) And yes I will admit it, No, I did not see myself waking up to cook bacon and eggs, nor did I think I would spend free time at work goggling “Fun Fall Recipes” and quite certainly not nevah did I think fresh would out number frozen in my refrigerator-But you know what the greatest thing about life is… it takes you by surprise.
Now on to #3… guys she is horrible, she exudes unfabulousness. She walked into my life with no warning, no call, no knock on the door: just showed up. At first I tried to ignore her, thinking if I pretended like she wasn’t there, she would just leave…. Oh but here’s the kicker… she’s made herself quite comfortable and it looks like she’s here to stay. Ugh, this isn’t my first encounter with her but where to even begin. First of let’s talk about the way she’s constantly nagging me for attention, she’s not the kind of guest where you hand over a towel and a wash cloth, say “make yourself at home” and never see again… Nope! not this lady… She insists that we spend time together and get this, she swears she’s an expert with relationships. She’s constantly asking questions and offering unwanted relationship advice. Making me second guess myself and act nuts. Not to mention she would blow Kim Kardashian’s texting issues out of the water, I can’t get her to put her crackberry down. And as much as she questions me, I don’t think she’s too sure of herself either. Nah, I’m on to her… she’s scared; she doesn’t know what her next move is.
See for women we are all in competition to be experts in the same field: relationships. We all want to feel like we got this on lock: owning, living and working it with such confidence that no one can sniff out our real flaw….. We are utterly clueless.
See it’s completely hysterical if you stop and think about it, maybe the biggest joke of all time. We ladies act like we get men, we get how relationships work, we know how to control feelings and our heart. We try to break it all apart in our heads until we’ve come up with a fool proof plan... Yet if we all have our Certificate in Expertness: Relationships…. why is every magazine catered around questioning our expertise and giving us insight to the realm of love and relationships. “5 signs he’s really into you”- “20 new tricks to wow your man”- “How to decode your mans messages”- “What he’s really thinking”- “How to get a new guy to notice you”…….
I mean come one!!! I like to think we women are really fabulous, but each of us has the latest issue of Cosmo in our rooms or book filled with relationship guidance, yet we are the experts?? Why do we purchase these “self-help guides”… just to read and make sure those journalists aren’t trippin’? To clarify the information that we already know? We buy those magazines and self help books because we want to double check our degree? (Please don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about… I was once caught my an attractive male in a public place reading “Dump the Slump and Find a Quality Man” … needless to say that conversation didn’t end with an exchange of numbers)
In what other venture in life do we put the pressure on ourselves to be instant experts: learning how to drive?..nope, learning how to spell?.. nope, cook?..nope, create budgets?..nope!, If we walked in to our first day of work and our boss said to us, “Well we hired you because you’re an expert at what we do here and we have full confidence in you, no mistakes!”…. ughhh I don’t know about you but I’d consider this ludicrous. We make mistakes, we aren’t experts… life is made up of mistakes/ failures and courage to overcome. So why do we women start relationships out with this pressure of “being an expert.”
I’ll go first… and maybe you will follow. … that really unfabulous girl I was describing earlier.... unfortunately I know her rather to well, she shows up every time I decide to take my cool off, see truth is.. She’s me. “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Thank you, Marylin, you said it sister!
I’m going to be real honest here ladies and say the one thing every girl thinks they shouldn’t admit. Please try not to cringe; "I am not an expert at relationships." There I said it, now get me a martini!
Seriously, I think if we could all just admit this to ourselves, our friends and to our men… we might actually get somewhere. I think it’s so funny when I ask my friends for advise regarding guys and they respond “I mean I am not an expert…but….” It’s like oh wait… you aren’t a relationship expert? You don’t hold the Mecca of successful relationships within? You mean to tell me I can’t get “expert” level advice while talking with you… I can’t help but laugh, why do we think we need to be experts in something that is constantly changing and stems from the heart.
As I have embarked on the journey to hushing my inner expert-wannabe, I have to realize “the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you- you love, well, that's just fabulous.”
With Love and humility we meet sucess,
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