“But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself."- Sex in The City

Dear Sex in the City Obessers,

So call me obsessed but I love the show Sex in The City, so much in fact that I have somehow created myself into my very own Sex in The City character. I was too young when the show was actually airing to appreciate the life changing capabilities but now I refer to my pink box set as the love and relationship bible. My favorite character is Carrie; I feel that our fabulous-ness is most alike. And the only issue with being this obsessed is I find myself not only quoting fabulous famous lines, (trying to slip them is as my own), but actually thinking “what would Carrie do”. Case in point:

“There are some women put in the world just to make you feel bad about yourself” (the bible) and one of my girl friends Lo, is this women. Lo is blonde and too pretty. She is not only one the most beautiful girls I have ever met but she is such a happy and wonderful person on the inside. She is one of those girls who when you meet, you are so jealous of her amazing-ness but then adjust because you think, “if just maybe we become friends, I can brush elbows enough with her to gain some tips or at the least be surrounded by the all the delicious men she attacks.”

Lo is one of my mentors and great friends, she’s poised, intelligent, content with life and lights up a room when she walks in. Oh did I mention she has an aspiring carrer in fashion? Yeah this girl is legit! Lo and I have had some fantastic times together, taking over nights and breaking hearts. Since we live in different cities we replay our lives to each other through various technologies. On our latest call she explained to me she was now talking to Mr. Perfect, but maybe not perfect for her. Now ladies, raise your hands if you have this man in your life, yes we often always do. Her Mr. Perfect for someone else, is handsome, intelligent, family oriented and has a nice bank account. He takes her on beautiful dates and since they live in different places, he visits her regularly. Where’s the problem right?! There isn’t one that’s the problem. See here I digress to the point…

The way I see it...there are two different types of dating. You can date for Marriage or you can date for Fun. For Marriage is the most traditional. Guy meets girl, guy courts girl, guy is so flipping fabulous and buys a huge rock and places it on the princess’s hand and they live happily ever after. This is how most of our parents dated and this is how many people choose to date. It is safe, it’s Christian, it’s practical, it’s romantic, it’s not filled with games and it works. (Warning: Do not check MY dating record for this proof) I am more of a hang by the seat of my dress type girl dating for Fun. Dating for fun is honestly ridiculous. You date guys with no real intention of marring them nor are you sure they know what the word marriage means. It’s not serious, you play lots of games and it may not be going anywhere but it’s fun. You always have great stories including that guy slash “something” (example: Q: “Are you dating anyone?’ A:“Oh I don’t know it’s not serious, it’s just something”) but nothing with a real relationship foundation. This can be a tricky and dangerous way to wear your heart, but for me, I love it. I call it The Independent Girl’s Dating Game. (that’s another entry in itself)

Now you see, the line between dating for Fun and dating for Marriage is a scary thing. It is thin, sometimes invisible, cracked in some places and sometimes transparent. When you meet a guy you start off on one side of this line, you make a subconscious evaluation of potential and determine your winning side. But then as the relationship continues all hell breaks loose. You sometimes jump to the other side of the line, because after careful consideration you have determined this guy is Marriage dating material or you decide that there is not a chance this dude will ever be meeting your parents. Crossing this line is the tricky part, sometimes you don’t realize you even did it, sometimes you do it to quick, sometimes you jump by yourself and sometimes you jump and crawl back with your heart bruised and battered. This is when things can get complicated and relationships become on the rocks, playing on different sides is never a good thing and a battle you’ll loose especially if you are playing it with yourself. Maybe it’s more about timing then personality or the actual guy you meet. When the time is right and you are ready you will date for Marriage and in the mean time date for Fun. Or maybe you’ve always been a Dater for Fun and now it’s time to switch it up. Either way, I continue to see this world of dating with sides.

Deciding what side of the line you are on is important and sometimes a hard self-conversation. But once you do this, it brings a world of clarity and helps with expectations. If you are dating someone right now in the present moment (or thinking about it) I challenge you to have this conversation. Whose side are you on: Marriage or Fun?

And here it is....my Sex in The City inner Carrie voice… “Can you ever date for Marriage and for Fun?”

With Love and Carrie