I want to first take a moment and apologize for my brief siesta. Believe it or not, quite frankly I lost my smile, my words and my direction. See in life and relationships occasionally you loose the things that make you, well.. you. Sometimes it’s only for a brief moment…. Sometimes you need a week and then sometimes it takes a month, quite a few bottles of wine, a great pedicure and some clarity.
A break up- as defined by Mr. Dictionary as
1. Disintegration; disruption; dispersal.
2. The ending of a personal, especially a romantic, relationship.
3. The melting and loosening of ice in rivers and harbors during the early spring.
Interestingly enough, this is more than the definition of “breakup” these are the 3 steps of breaking-up.
1st you sense trouble in the relationship, concerns begin to pile up so quickly you don’t have time to address the core issues behind them, feelings that once felt so secure start to feel scattered. 2nd the ending…. That one farewell, or in many cases, those 16 face-to-face “chats”, the 26 “I don’t understand why this happened” text messages and the 1 or 5 slip ups inbetween (you know the times when you think you are going to be able to just work it out and it’s not the end but …. Oh! Wait, yes it is)
I’m not going to go into the personal elements of my steps- 1 and 2, those are for me and my heart …. I will however share the 3rd element of breakup with you…. The melting and loosening of ice in rivers and harbors during the early spring….
What a fabulously powerful part of this definition…. Many might skip it, for that- they are foolish…this is the most poignant part of the definition.
When your heart makes promises it truly cannot keep, there is a tremendous about of pain that follows. There is no other pain, like the pain of heartbreak. It’s crippling.
However, the beauty of this life is it’s filled with choices. Choices are the stepping stones that lead you directions, with each choice - direction follows. Some choices you make, others are made for you... When choices are made you invite people to come along with you… some invitations you withhold and others are given but not accepted. When faced with a breakup… you are the one with the choice.
Pick happiness. Choice clarity. Empower yourself to see beyond the pain and the “what if’s” and piece by piece let the ice melt from your heart, allow your soul to flow freely again. This is the most fabulous part of a breakup- With every good bye you learn.
This choice is something you fight for; you proactively look fear in the eyes and say-“I am going to get over this”. I’m not saying it’s easy, but the biggest failure with this choice- is your own unwillingness to fight for it.
So many women endure breakups and choice not to move on. They choose to sit alone and wallow in this pain of being alone. No, No, No that’s not for you!! Give yourself a total of 3 weeks to wallow in the pain, then pick yourself up and follow these few simple positive ideas.
1) Do something just for you, each day.
It could be 10 minutes of quiet or a mani/pedi. Drinking wine or planting flowers. Take time to be with yourself... and learning to love yourself again… Many times during a breakup, you forget about your fabulousness. Take time to remind yourself.
2) When your heart starts to cry and your thoughts start to race- take a deep breath and say “Self, it just simply didn’t work out.”
So many women go over and over and over and over the coulda woulda shouldas. This is part of growth... “you begin to accept your defeats with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.” You can’t fix what happened, you can’t change the past. If it’s meant to come back around, well hell great!!! But you have to let the past go to enjoy that future. Simplify your thoughts, simplify your emotions. Stop worrying about what’s happening, happened or going to happen. Still your mind and know… “it didn’t work out, but I am going to be okay”
3) Maybe the most important and most difficult, forgive. Forgive yourself, forgive the others. Nothing is more crippling then holding on to anger and regrets. Truly let the ice melt from your heart, and forgive those who put it there- yourself or another.
All in all, I’m not belittling breakups. I’m trashing the feelings that you have felt in the past. These steps might not help you to stop loving someone, these ideas might not free you from old flames reappearing- I truly believe that once you’ve loved someone, you never stop loving them- if you ever do, it wasn’t real love. This Choice isn’t to forget someone who brought joy and happiness into your life - notice I never used the word forget, not once. Never forget, the good times, but simply allow yourself to be happy in the now times.
Now, I have never claimed to be an expert on breakups and I certainly am still working on the relationships but I will share a secret with you…. it feels good to have butterflies again.
With love and new beginnings,
6.01.2011
5.03.2011
Love it- a few spring things
1. Ulta sunless tanner..a full body tan for under $10.00 unlike most sunless tanners, these do not streak nor leave you with an awkward self tanner scent... plus they deliver a natural looking tan.
Don't be afraid to wear lipstick, it's truly feminine and beautiful once you have the right shade
3. Limited edition Very Sexy Now- Sheer Sexy Mist
With the warmer weather prompting you to spray more often,
the scents are softer - so spray away sister!
the scents are softer - so spray away sister!
4. Sally Hansen Insta-Dri-Nail Color
One stroke.
One Coat. Done.
it's time to razzle-dazzle
with your vibrant hues.
5. Macademia Natural Oil-Healing Oil Treatment
Humidity gives your hair a mind of it's own. This leave in oil keeps hair manageable & shiny- not to mention UV protection from the sun.
3.09.2011
"Give you that iPhone 4, face time"
Dear Techies,
As I sit at my desk playing tug-a-war with my blackberry, I just have to laugh… never did I ever think a red blinking light would have me on the edge of my seat in anticipation. Yes, I admit it I’m being outrageously crazy!! I am waiting for a certain person, with a particular message to send me a less then critical communication. For those of you who haven’t sold your soul for the infectious addiction, Crackberry… there is a small light at the top of my blackberry that will blink when I receive a message. This message could be a work email, a tweet, a text message, a picture message, a blackberry message, a personal email, a facebook notification, or heaven forbid someone actually is picking up their phone to call you. The light blinks red and my heart skips a beat.
The other day, I was talking to my grandparents about every older persons favorite topic... the changing tides of technology. (If you ever are at a loss of words with the elderly, just ask them about what they think of the internet… works like charm.) Now I must give a shout out to my Grandfather, this man owns a laptop, cell phone and a flat screen with surround sound, he’s not afraid of the changes. My grandfather was explaining to me how when he was a 20-something year old, there was only one communication technology and he never used it. “We had one phone in the house and I never used it, only to call my sweetie” My Grandmother is blushing.- My Grandparents have been married for over 55 years and are still madly in love. Not like fake, oh I’ve been with this person for so long I’m use to all the crap they’re gonna throw my way today. Madly, deeply, truly in love with each other- they are best of friends and best of partners. It’s honestly the greatest testimony in my life to say- marriage works! But I’m not hear to gush about how cute my Gparents are… let’s back this love boat up.
Life was so simply. There was one phone and if you wanted to get in touch with someone you picked the plastic hunk on the wall and dialed a number, where it rang to the receiver. End of the story. There were no ring tones, status updates, profile pictures, “secret messages”, wall posts, tweets, privacy settings, text messages, bbm groups… the list is never ending.
I’m not some crazy anti-communication hippy, I love my phone, I love my social networks and I love my ability to silently scream my thoughts across the air ways… but just sometimes it makes me stop and think. As great as all of these communication tools are, we all know they come with some baggage, some secrets and some trouble.
VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED::
“well I texted his phone and he didn’t answer. Then I sent “you out of work” to his bbm, and I know he got it..(blackberry messager-shows when the message has been delivered/read) Then he called me and said he was working late and couldn’t use his phone, but 5 minutes later he updated his twitter account “what’s good for tonight” so then I emailed his work email which never was opened- only to find tagged pictures of him out at some party on facebook the following day”
Needless to say, this is a bit over dramatic however I’m willing to bet you can crawl back into time and locate a situation similar. All these technologies have completely complicated our love lives. To think that my grandparents experienced one line of communication while dating is beyond breathtaking to me. There is no need to bring up the statistics in divorce rate or failed relationships in our generation compared to our grandparents and yes though, many factors contribute, I think we are silly to not factor in our communication trends. There is no need to deny- a simpler life=a simpler romance.
Communication in a relationship is essential, however maybe our generation has such a plethora of ways to communicate that the vital heartbeat of communication is fading….One-on-One communication.
Could it be that we are getting caught up in the noise of constant communication and forgetting the one thing we need to say. I witness couples looking miserable together at dinner both on their phones… I can’t help but wonder, if they put down the devices and had meaningful conversation with each other.. what would happen? Instead of posting our feelings to the world maybe the one person that needs to hear them the most is sitting right next to us? And please, please know someone’s eye color before you “friend” them on facebook.
I guess at the end of the day I just want communication with the people in my life to survive outside the realm of blinking lights, bings and dings. I never want to lose value of the spoken word or value of words spoken.
With love and flashing lights,
As I sit at my desk playing tug-a-war with my blackberry, I just have to laugh… never did I ever think a red blinking light would have me on the edge of my seat in anticipation. Yes, I admit it I’m being outrageously crazy!! I am waiting for a certain person, with a particular message to send me a less then critical communication. For those of you who haven’t sold your soul for the infectious addiction, Crackberry… there is a small light at the top of my blackberry that will blink when I receive a message. This message could be a work email, a tweet, a text message, a picture message, a blackberry message, a personal email, a facebook notification, or heaven forbid someone actually is picking up their phone to call you. The light blinks red and my heart skips a beat.
The other day, I was talking to my grandparents about every older persons favorite topic... the changing tides of technology. (If you ever are at a loss of words with the elderly, just ask them about what they think of the internet… works like charm.) Now I must give a shout out to my Grandfather, this man owns a laptop, cell phone and a flat screen with surround sound, he’s not afraid of the changes. My grandfather was explaining to me how when he was a 20-something year old, there was only one communication technology and he never used it. “We had one phone in the house and I never used it, only to call my sweetie” My Grandmother is blushing.- My Grandparents have been married for over 55 years and are still madly in love. Not like fake, oh I’ve been with this person for so long I’m use to all the crap they’re gonna throw my way today. Madly, deeply, truly in love with each other- they are best of friends and best of partners. It’s honestly the greatest testimony in my life to say- marriage works! But I’m not hear to gush about how cute my Gparents are… let’s back this love boat up.
Life was so simply. There was one phone and if you wanted to get in touch with someone you picked the plastic hunk on the wall and dialed a number, where it rang to the receiver. End of the story. There were no ring tones, status updates, profile pictures, “secret messages”, wall posts, tweets, privacy settings, text messages, bbm groups… the list is never ending.
I’m not some crazy anti-communication hippy, I love my phone, I love my social networks and I love my ability to silently scream my thoughts across the air ways… but just sometimes it makes me stop and think. As great as all of these communication tools are, we all know they come with some baggage, some secrets and some trouble.
VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED::
“well I texted his phone and he didn’t answer. Then I sent “you out of work” to his bbm, and I know he got it..(blackberry messager-shows when the message has been delivered/read) Then he called me and said he was working late and couldn’t use his phone, but 5 minutes later he updated his twitter account “what’s good for tonight” so then I emailed his work email which never was opened- only to find tagged pictures of him out at some party on facebook the following day”
Needless to say, this is a bit over dramatic however I’m willing to bet you can crawl back into time and locate a situation similar. All these technologies have completely complicated our love lives. To think that my grandparents experienced one line of communication while dating is beyond breathtaking to me. There is no need to bring up the statistics in divorce rate or failed relationships in our generation compared to our grandparents and yes though, many factors contribute, I think we are silly to not factor in our communication trends. There is no need to deny- a simpler life=a simpler romance.
Communication in a relationship is essential, however maybe our generation has such a plethora of ways to communicate that the vital heartbeat of communication is fading….One-on-One communication.
Could it be that we are getting caught up in the noise of constant communication and forgetting the one thing we need to say. I witness couples looking miserable together at dinner both on their phones… I can’t help but wonder, if they put down the devices and had meaningful conversation with each other.. what would happen? Instead of posting our feelings to the world maybe the one person that needs to hear them the most is sitting right next to us? And please, please know someone’s eye color before you “friend” them on facebook.
I guess at the end of the day I just want communication with the people in my life to survive outside the realm of blinking lights, bings and dings. I never want to lose value of the spoken word or value of words spoken.
With love and flashing lights,
1.19.2011
"Married people don't hate singles, they just want us 'figured out"
Dear Settlers,
With the recent transition of decades I’ve taken a lot of time to sit back and reflect over the past year of my life. To say this year has been a “growth year” for me would be an understatement. One year ago, I was living out of a suitcase in California with courage in my heart, tears in my eyes, pennies in my pockets, hope in my soul and vodka in my cup. I guess the phrase-“not all who wander are lost” would be the best way to describe my life a year ago… life opened a challenge to me and I accepted it however this journey started off a bit rocky. This was probably because I had just been forced into retirement from living the dream: College. So I spent the next 9 months of my life wishing I could go back, missing the people and trying to balance a checkbook where FUN was the largest spender. Oh and did I mention I was paid about 3 dollars an hour when all was said and done….. yes, I was ordering life on the rocks.
However, looking back on this has made me realize the power of a year. Recently I have been quoted, “Wow, what a difference a year can make.” I knew this year was going to be epic but I had no way to foresee the magnitude of change these 365 days would have in store for me.
A few years ago when I was in college, I was out one night enjoying “girls night out.” We were sharing stories about the past, mainly consisting of nights where we drank to many margaritas, danced on one too many bars or fell in love with one too many “prince charmings.” It was a typical girl’s night out until one of my girlfriends looked me straight in my blurry eyes and said, “Amber, I can’t wait till you meet someone and they settle you down.”
Now, at this point in my life… you could only imagine my disbelief. You could only imagine my face when these fascist words sounded in my head. I couldn’t even respond. I had an overload of negative thoughts. “Who in the hell did this girl think she was.” “Settle down? I don’t need anyone to settle me down.” “This is probably why she doesn’t have a boyfriend right now… settle down, what is this submissive chick thinking.” “She obviously doesn’t know who she’s talking to.”
Most of the time chit chat while you are out drinking never has a profound effect on you, however this did. It made me feel so small, yet so big. This statement made me doubt my very being yet gave my inner core confidence all at the same time. See at that point in my life, I was full speed ahead into the direction of “Independence” whatever Amber wanted, I got for myself. Whatever I thought was necessary I did. Whatever was going to be fun in the moment I RSVPed, ASAP. The words “settle down” where not in my vocabulary. I was outraged that this girl thought that I was seeking to be settled down. The only thing I was settled down about was- that I was in fact in no shape to settle down.
My independence, self-centered, live for me and only me gears were moving at a mile a minute. I was single and loving it. I was traveling and embracing it. I was moving full speed in every direction too a rhythm in my own head.
Funny the difference a year has made.
Funny the difference a change in perspective makes for you. Funny who will come into your life to create this change of attitude, change of heart.
Those gears I mentioned before… they have began to slowdown, I can actually feel them inside of me changing direction. I can feel the wheels of priority, the wheels of purpose, the wheels of clarity changing. The way I think and see things is changing. Maybe some would call it growing up, some would call it maturity, but I see it as much more then this… It’s a birth of a new age, a beginning of something magical. It’s the start of the next chapter in my life, which coincides great with the start of the new decade.
This year of blogging has been an adventure for me as well. It’s been a journey of deep development. When I started a year ago I never thought I would receive the responses from readers as I have, and for this I am greatly blessed.
Relationships are the building boxes, the glue and the foundation of this blog. Over the year I have posed questions, declared visions and raised more than one questionable topic. A wise man once told me “Change: it’s the only thing that’s constant.” Well… New Year: New Drinks: New Bog.
After careful consideration and conversations, I have decided to bring some extra spice to the mix this year. Since I spent a year complaining, questioning, wondering, asking, declaring, pondering views and ideas of relationships, I thought why not have some say/perspective from the other side… I’m not afraid to admit my dependency to Self-Help books, (no joke I once got caught reading “Dump The Slump and Find a Quality Man”--- in an airport, by an attractive male (might I add) So I figured it might be fun to create my own rendition of a relationship self help guide. So cheers to the new challenge, the collision of perspectives: a Man and a Woman. Sit back stir yourself up a good/strong cosmo and let’s see where this year can take us; because it’s my hope this life is like a fine wine…. Just gets better with time.
With Love and a changing heart,
With the recent transition of decades I’ve taken a lot of time to sit back and reflect over the past year of my life. To say this year has been a “growth year” for me would be an understatement. One year ago, I was living out of a suitcase in California with courage in my heart, tears in my eyes, pennies in my pockets, hope in my soul and vodka in my cup. I guess the phrase-“not all who wander are lost” would be the best way to describe my life a year ago… life opened a challenge to me and I accepted it however this journey started off a bit rocky. This was probably because I had just been forced into retirement from living the dream: College. So I spent the next 9 months of my life wishing I could go back, missing the people and trying to balance a checkbook where FUN was the largest spender. Oh and did I mention I was paid about 3 dollars an hour when all was said and done….. yes, I was ordering life on the rocks.
However, looking back on this has made me realize the power of a year. Recently I have been quoted, “Wow, what a difference a year can make.” I knew this year was going to be epic but I had no way to foresee the magnitude of change these 365 days would have in store for me.
A few years ago when I was in college, I was out one night enjoying “girls night out.” We were sharing stories about the past, mainly consisting of nights where we drank to many margaritas, danced on one too many bars or fell in love with one too many “prince charmings.” It was a typical girl’s night out until one of my girlfriends looked me straight in my blurry eyes and said, “Amber, I can’t wait till you meet someone and they settle you down.”
Now, at this point in my life… you could only imagine my disbelief. You could only imagine my face when these fascist words sounded in my head. I couldn’t even respond. I had an overload of negative thoughts. “Who in the hell did this girl think she was.” “Settle down? I don’t need anyone to settle me down.” “This is probably why she doesn’t have a boyfriend right now… settle down, what is this submissive chick thinking.” “She obviously doesn’t know who she’s talking to.”
Most of the time chit chat while you are out drinking never has a profound effect on you, however this did. It made me feel so small, yet so big. This statement made me doubt my very being yet gave my inner core confidence all at the same time. See at that point in my life, I was full speed ahead into the direction of “Independence” whatever Amber wanted, I got for myself. Whatever I thought was necessary I did. Whatever was going to be fun in the moment I RSVPed, ASAP. The words “settle down” where not in my vocabulary. I was outraged that this girl thought that I was seeking to be settled down. The only thing I was settled down about was- that I was in fact in no shape to settle down.
My independence, self-centered, live for me and only me gears were moving at a mile a minute. I was single and loving it. I was traveling and embracing it. I was moving full speed in every direction too a rhythm in my own head.
Funny the difference a year has made.
Funny the difference a change in perspective makes for you. Funny who will come into your life to create this change of attitude, change of heart.
Those gears I mentioned before… they have began to slowdown, I can actually feel them inside of me changing direction. I can feel the wheels of priority, the wheels of purpose, the wheels of clarity changing. The way I think and see things is changing. Maybe some would call it growing up, some would call it maturity, but I see it as much more then this… It’s a birth of a new age, a beginning of something magical. It’s the start of the next chapter in my life, which coincides great with the start of the new decade.
This year of blogging has been an adventure for me as well. It’s been a journey of deep development. When I started a year ago I never thought I would receive the responses from readers as I have, and for this I am greatly blessed.
Relationships are the building boxes, the glue and the foundation of this blog. Over the year I have posed questions, declared visions and raised more than one questionable topic. A wise man once told me “Change: it’s the only thing that’s constant.” Well… New Year: New Drinks: New Bog.
After careful consideration and conversations, I have decided to bring some extra spice to the mix this year. Since I spent a year complaining, questioning, wondering, asking, declaring, pondering views and ideas of relationships, I thought why not have some say/perspective from the other side… I’m not afraid to admit my dependency to Self-Help books, (no joke I once got caught reading “Dump The Slump and Find a Quality Man”--- in an airport, by an attractive male (might I add) So I figured it might be fun to create my own rendition of a relationship self help guide. So cheers to the new challenge, the collision of perspectives: a Man and a Woman. Sit back stir yourself up a good/strong cosmo and let’s see where this year can take us; because it’s my hope this life is like a fine wine…. Just gets better with time.
With Love and a changing heart,
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