“He wasn't who I had in mind, but he was who I wanted to be with. And that, of course, is the thing that matters most.”

Dear Typers,

I was reading this article the other day about a 40 year old women who woke up one day and looked at her life objectively. Too much of her dismay she found two things she never expected: she was single and 40. The article went on to explain how this gal in her hay-day dated multiple men searching for Mr. Right. She had certain protocols that these men had to meet and if they didn’t, they were given a pink slip. They had to have a certain height, certain hair style, a certain career (that brought home a certain amount of bacon) and a certain amount of sex appeal. Apparently at 40 years old the smoke has cleared and it seems that her protocol standards might have failed her.

She explains that if she hadn’t been so picky; she might have met her Mr. Right for her, by now. Brilliantly, Ms. 40 decided to help the younger generations with their protocol standards and continued generate advice. Some of her dazzling points included-but most certainly were not limited to- “even though you might prefer taller men, give the shorty at the bar a chance” and “He might be balding but at least you don’t have to worry about other women stealing your man.” Needless to say, I had a lot to think about after gaining such plethora of knowledge from this highly wise author.

First of all, it took this lady to reach her 40th birthday to realize it wasn’t all about looks? I mean I think I made this assumption in the 8th grade and haven’t been proven wrong yet. In my experience, guys with stunning looks, big egos and pockets to match; will never be truly satisfied with a simple family life. (Even though they look really sexy leaving in the morning- sport jacket in hand, their charismatic personalities will lead them places they have no business attending.) Take this for what it’s worth, but even my most recent “something” admitted to me, “I used to just go for looks, nothing else really mattered. But since I’ve met you, I realize that looks aren’t anything.” (Yeah…don’t worry we had words) and then he clarified “I still have to be attracted to the person but personality goes a lot further.” (Yeah... the verdict is still out for full clarification) Nonetheless, this is an attractive 24 year old guy and even he can see the light!

Either way, out of curiosity or maybe sheer horror- that I never wanted to end up this lady, I continued to dig a little deeper into my own life. Do women really have a type? Does having a type help you find your Mr. Right or does it prevent you?

Other than a 5’10-cut-off (I only date guys that are 5’10 and taller because of my extreme height advantage.) did I really consider myself a typer? Smart, dumb, cocky, shy, awkward, charismatic, nerdy, jock, muscular, guido, prepster, ghetto, athletic, fun, boring, college graduated, blue collar, military, hippy, older, younger, a lot younger, rich, poor, side-part, buzzed, fade, shaggy, foreign, boy next-door, troublemaker, momma’s boy, partier, church-goer, country, city and the randomness of my dating list continues…

I mean let’s face it, everyone’s unique and can they really be put into a box slash type? To be honest, I’ve had some of the most fun and satisfying relationships with guys who couldn’t take themselves or anything, for that matter in life, serious. And I’ve been miserably bored and deathly obsessed with guys, whom from the outside looking in were on top of the world. I’ve dated guys who from the first glance looked to be from the wrong side of the tracks but once given a chance, knew how to treat a lady better than any momma’s boy. I’ve been outsmarted by dropouts and I’ve been made to feel ill by the ignorance of ivy-leaguers. I’ve been calmed by the awkward and let loose by the shy. I’ve felt free in cities and trapped in the country. I’ve been held accountable by partiers and led astray by the good-doers. I’ve created everything out of nothing and I’ve ruined long friendships, just for the slight chance that there might be something more.

So in the grand scheme of things, what is a type? Maybe it’s not the type of person you are looking for but it’s the type of feeling you get when you are with them. Maybe finding Mr. Right isn’t about looking in all the right places, it’s about being right within and allowing your heart to feel people for who their hearts really are. “Your eyes are only as bright as the light in your heart”- and I believe in this. Maybe the answer lies in the ability to look past all the types and see that light, feel that light and fall in love with that light?

With love and perspective

"I don't mind living in a mans world...As long as I can be the woman in it"- Marilyn Monroe

Dear Independents,

We all have friends in our lives that are revised versions of ourselves. You know that friend that you find yourself most alike. You both think alike, you finish each other’s sentences, you both prefer the same $5.99 bottle of wine, your strengths might be different but your weaknesses are all the same. The friend you lean on when the going gets tough because you know they are going to tell you what you need to hear, not just what you want to hear. They are always first to call you out on your mistakes, but only because you both have made them. The friend in your life that’s your trade-in model, the next year’s edition, always one foot ahead, never quick to judge but fast to challenge you. It’s like real-life Mysize Barbie. She’s your height, you both have pretty hair, you both play hard-to-get with Ken and wear the same fashions-but at the end of the day she’s the one that gets to sit in that fabulous mini pink convertible.

On my life’s bumpy road, paved with glitter and rhinestones, this friend for me is Jacquelynn Chambers. Not only did Jacq reinvent my life as a born-again princess but she has popped bottles of life I never knew exsisted. Not only have I gained novels of advice from her but she has witnessed firsthand, every ridiculous-ness on my memory’s self over the past two years. Not to mention the countless hours spent in a tanning bed trying to persuade my skin that bronzed is in, just to hold my own. Together: I learned to walk in her heels; (literally), dated a summer bromance duo and found my inner diva, hiding all along in the VIP sections fully stocked bar.

Needless to say-the fabulous life comes quick when she is around, so I want to take this moment to share a bit of wisdom from my real-life Barbie. If you are single or even if you are in one of those “somethings” this is about to blow your mind.

The Independent Girls Dating Game
-Created and perfected by Jacquelynn Chambers

Objective: “Do those boys like they use’t do you, if you pimp them I congratulate you.”-Beyonce

Number of players: As many as you can rotate

For ages- when the phrase “I’m single and ready to mingle” falls into your vocabulary

Now for the instrutions, this can be easily explained with the use of a metaphor… the independent girl’s game is easily compared to a stove-top with multiple burners and depending on how profesh you get the more pots you can have on it.

Basically girls it’s simple, men are pots and your dating life is a stove. … You have pots (men) on the back burners, simmering and you have pots on the front burners, boiling. You never want the pots in the back to think you forgot about them, so you bring them up to the front every once in awhile for a stir. On-the-other-hand you don’t want the pots on the front burners to get to cocky and boil over… so you move them to the back for some slow cooking. It’s all about rotating your pots… never let one stay on the same burner for too long or it might get over cooked or even worse-cold. You gotta mix it up, switch your pots, add some spice, stir it up and when the contents of your pots start to get bland… it’s out with the old in with the new.

With Love and Pots