Dear Simplistics,
Ya know the old expression- ignorance is bliss? Yeah… I never bought. I never could wrap my head around the concept of it. You mean to tell me… not knowing, was better than knowing? I blame it on my astrological sign- month to month those damn stars always line up in some twisted spectacle to make my “fiery curiosity” come alive (appreciate it, no really). If you know me slash have been in a room with me long enough to take 5 breaths… Silence and I don’t match. No matter what I’m wearing, no matter what kind of mood I’m in… silence clashes. I will push silence off the edge of the earth to uncover what’s really going on. I seek out meanings and I always have to know, “what the hell really happened.” This is with everything-a great shoe sale but they don’t have my size, Why? I’ve watched my Mom bake the same casserole since I was three… yet my attempt ends with smoke alarms and empty stomachs, Why? I mean, I’m 6 feet tall yet hand me a basketball and see how quickly you ask for it back, Why? Maybe it’s because I have a tremendous amount of faith that everything happens for a reason and purpose… Either way when it comes to failed relationships, I still ask the same, why? Most stable, normal minded girls can walk away after they are told “Hey, it’s not going to work out between us.” She might shed a few tears, drink a few martinis with girlfriends, put together a fabulous outfit and then hit the road running… looking for the next “Mr. Right.”
This girl right here, yeah… never learned how to do that. After things fly south in a relationship, I try to pick up the pieces and when that doesn’t cut it, I walk away, mustering up a semi-poker face. I then add the relationship into the “Whelp, this one didn’t work out” filing folder. Never fails, months later I check back in to see if any new evidence has surfaced for me to piece together- creating my closer (Side note, I have this horrible/terrific gift of being able to be friends with these gentleman months after the heartbreak… I blame the Aries sign again- “your magical natural ability to forgive and forget”).
So when I meet up with these “ex-somethings” slash evolved into a great guy friend to catch up…(Here is where I dig into this evidence to try to better understand myself with the rise and fall of my empire relationships…) I began to realize a very crucial recurring situation in my relationship scene… 8 times out of 10 the recurring theme is that my “ex-something” was now in another relationship. Not just a new girlfriend, but with someone they “could really see themselves settling down with.” (Cue violins)
One of my “ex-somethings”- turned great guy friends, spoke volumes to me one day over coffee…. “Amber, you were a Marilyn and I needed a Jackie.”
No but really, this didn’t affect me the way it might to some, I took these cold hard facts and began to crack my own self mystery… see these girls that my “ex-somethings” accumulated…were exact opposite from me. Take everything that makes me, well, me… flip it, reverse it, convert it- that was who my “ex-somethings” were now dating. Hence brings me to my point… Are there really two types of girls in this world… Jackie’s and Marilyn’s?
People have written books on this topic. People have done research into this theory and bar none it seems you cannot escape the reality of the two and most importantly without one... could the other even exist?
I will do my best to piece this together for you in my own words and in the end my hope is that you can benefit in your own relationship, in your own self mystery.
Jackie- often described as “She’s a nice girl. She’s so sweet. She’s uncomplicated.” She’s the woman who is a girlfriend first and girl second. She’s the woman, who has dinner ready every night and does everything she commits to. She’s proper, poised and pearl stud earrings are most defiantly involved. She keeps the house in order and always compliments her boyfriend on a job well-done. She was brought up in tradition-to nurture and listen to what she was told. Jackie learned to cook and iron at an early age and dinner parties come naturally to her. Jackie’s are patient, Jackie’s are kind. Jackie’s believe all things, hope all things, and endures all things-all the while managing to wear white and keep it clean.
Marilyn- often described as, “She’s a wild one. She does everything so different, strange and exciting.” She’s the woman who at the end of the day would rather be unhappy alone then unhappy in company. She’s the woman, baking a frozen pizza with one hand and her blackberry in the other. She might speak out of line, she’s raw and isn’t afraid to tell you what she thinks. Marilyn’s are a divine mixture of intelligence and imagination without filter from the mind to tongue. She was brought up to respect tradition but think untraditionally. She was taught to create a family and to love them unconditionally, no matter the circumstances. She’s born with a tremendous need for affection and a sincere will to give it. Marilyn’s can play the Stepford wife masterfully but prefer that it ended once the dinner party was over. Marilyn’s are passionate. Marilyn’s are dreamers. Marilyn’s will bear all things, expect all things and love all things-you can’t feed a Marilyn fire and expect her to live off of air.
So here you have it folks, the symbolic struggle between the Marilyn’s and the Jackie’s.
... Yes, I tend to be much more of a Marilyn then a Jackie. I don’t know the first thing about a pot roast, I never get the table setting right and maybe I pour my drinks a bit on the stronger side. I prefer black shirts over white, I talk a bit too loud and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’m rough around the edges and I challenge history. I want to be a woman who inspires others to take risks, I want to be a mother to whom my daughter can lean on and I want to be a wife to someone who stands beside me, not in front or behind me. Throughout every single relationship these objectives were never hidden, masked or blurred … "I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them. They obviously loved somebody I wasn't."-A quote from the dolly herself, Marilyn.
So to drive it all home… I have nothing against Jackie’s, for without them who am I? There have to be vast differences in the world to make it a beautiful place… if all women were the same, how awfully boring our lives would be. I need my life filled with an abundance of beauty- it literally takes my breath away; that feeling is so intense and spectacular that I want to soak up every second of the minute. Once again, I’m not a Jackie hater, in many ways I admire her. I admire her from a distance drinking vodka tonics, wearing sparkly hoops and leopard print. And if she ever asked me for advice I’d give it, if she ever asked me to share my life, I’d reveal it- and hey, what the heck... I’d even get up enough nerve to ask her for the pot roast recipe.
With love and boldness,
11.30.2010
10.06.2010
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland
Dear Fellow Experts,
Ok here it goes… the past month of my fabulous life has blindsided me. Let’s talk about the changes…I hope you are sitting down… #1 I’ve fallen madly in love with a sport: Football. #2 I cook. #3 I have a really horrible guest living with me. Impossible you say?!? No all three things happened, occurred and continue to be episodes in my life. The crush on football was arranged; I had multiple support systems to encourage this. There were prayer groups formed, a bit of sabotaging and I think a hypnotist was on call. I mean I live in Baltimore City… if at any point this love affair was going to happen, this was the year, season and the team. The new found love for the boys of fall has been exhilarating and although I have many things to learn and catch up on… it’s been enjoyable.
The cooking comes from an interesting wild card that I have been dealt; this is another blog all together so stay tuned to the story. Although, yes, I will give away at least the card game… Girl meets Guy, Girl wants to keep Guy around, and Guy asked if she can cook….. Girl-“You bet your bottom dollar I can cook!” It’s not that I didn’t understand the rhythm and reason behind cooking, my follow-through just needed some work. My Mother could never understand this, “You love to eat, but don’t want to learn how to prepare it? What are your kids going to eat? Frozen pizzas and chicken nuggets their whole life”…. Whew, so needless to say when I told my mom I had began the domestic journey, she was thrilled. … Maybe the biggest victory of all is the smoke alarm has yet to call.(sorry I couldn't resist) And yes I will admit it, No, I did not see myself waking up to cook bacon and eggs, nor did I think I would spend free time at work goggling “Fun Fall Recipes” and quite certainly not nevah did I think fresh would out number frozen in my refrigerator-But you know what the greatest thing about life is… it takes you by surprise.
Now on to #3… guys she is horrible, she exudes unfabulousness. She walked into my life with no warning, no call, no knock on the door: just showed up. At first I tried to ignore her, thinking if I pretended like she wasn’t there, she would just leave…. Oh but here’s the kicker… she’s made herself quite comfortable and it looks like she’s here to stay. Ugh, this isn’t my first encounter with her but where to even begin. First of let’s talk about the way she’s constantly nagging me for attention, she’s not the kind of guest where you hand over a towel and a wash cloth, say “make yourself at home” and never see again… Nope! not this lady… She insists that we spend time together and get this, she swears she’s an expert with relationships. She’s constantly asking questions and offering unwanted relationship advice. Making me second guess myself and act nuts. Not to mention she would blow Kim Kardashian’s texting issues out of the water, I can’t get her to put her crackberry down. And as much as she questions me, I don’t think she’s too sure of herself either. Nah, I’m on to her… she’s scared; she doesn’t know what her next move is.
See for women we are all in competition to be experts in the same field: relationships. We all want to feel like we got this on lock: owning, living and working it with such confidence that no one can sniff out our real flaw….. We are utterly clueless.
See it’s completely hysterical if you stop and think about it, maybe the biggest joke of all time. We ladies act like we get men, we get how relationships work, we know how to control feelings and our heart. We try to break it all apart in our heads until we’ve come up with a fool proof plan... Yet if we all have our Certificate in Expertness: Relationships…. why is every magazine catered around questioning our expertise and giving us insight to the realm of love and relationships. “5 signs he’s really into you”- “20 new tricks to wow your man”- “How to decode your mans messages”- “What he’s really thinking”- “How to get a new guy to notice you”…….
I mean come one!!! I like to think we women are really fabulous, but each of us has the latest issue of Cosmo in our rooms or book filled with relationship guidance, yet we are the experts?? Why do we purchase these “self-help guides”… just to read and make sure those journalists aren’t trippin’? To clarify the information that we already know? We buy those magazines and self help books because we want to double check our degree? (Please don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about… I was once caught my an attractive male in a public place reading “Dump the Slump and Find a Quality Man” … needless to say that conversation didn’t end with an exchange of numbers)
In what other venture in life do we put the pressure on ourselves to be instant experts: learning how to drive?..nope, learning how to spell?.. nope, cook?..nope, create budgets?..nope!, If we walked in to our first day of work and our boss said to us, “Well we hired you because you’re an expert at what we do here and we have full confidence in you, no mistakes!”…. ughhh I don’t know about you but I’d consider this ludicrous. We make mistakes, we aren’t experts… life is made up of mistakes/ failures and courage to overcome. So why do we women start relationships out with this pressure of “being an expert.”
I’ll go first… and maybe you will follow. … that really unfabulous girl I was describing earlier.... unfortunately I know her rather to well, she shows up every time I decide to take my cool off, see truth is.. She’s me. “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Thank you, Marylin, you said it sister!
I’m going to be real honest here ladies and say the one thing every girl thinks they shouldn’t admit. Please try not to cringe; "I am not an expert at relationships." There I said it, now get me a martini!
Seriously, I think if we could all just admit this to ourselves, our friends and to our men… we might actually get somewhere. I think it’s so funny when I ask my friends for advise regarding guys and they respond “I mean I am not an expert…but….” It’s like oh wait… you aren’t a relationship expert? You don’t hold the Mecca of successful relationships within? You mean to tell me I can’t get “expert” level advice while talking with you… I can’t help but laugh, why do we think we need to be experts in something that is constantly changing and stems from the heart.
As I have embarked on the journey to hushing my inner expert-wannabe, I have to realize “the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you- you love, well, that's just fabulous.”
With Love and humility we meet sucess,
Ok here it goes… the past month of my fabulous life has blindsided me. Let’s talk about the changes…I hope you are sitting down… #1 I’ve fallen madly in love with a sport: Football. #2 I cook. #3 I have a really horrible guest living with me. Impossible you say?!? No all three things happened, occurred and continue to be episodes in my life. The crush on football was arranged; I had multiple support systems to encourage this. There were prayer groups formed, a bit of sabotaging and I think a hypnotist was on call. I mean I live in Baltimore City… if at any point this love affair was going to happen, this was the year, season and the team. The new found love for the boys of fall has been exhilarating and although I have many things to learn and catch up on… it’s been enjoyable.
The cooking comes from an interesting wild card that I have been dealt; this is another blog all together so stay tuned to the story. Although, yes, I will give away at least the card game… Girl meets Guy, Girl wants to keep Guy around, and Guy asked if she can cook….. Girl-“You bet your bottom dollar I can cook!” It’s not that I didn’t understand the rhythm and reason behind cooking, my follow-through just needed some work. My Mother could never understand this, “You love to eat, but don’t want to learn how to prepare it? What are your kids going to eat? Frozen pizzas and chicken nuggets their whole life”…. Whew, so needless to say when I told my mom I had began the domestic journey, she was thrilled. … Maybe the biggest victory of all is the smoke alarm has yet to call.(sorry I couldn't resist) And yes I will admit it, No, I did not see myself waking up to cook bacon and eggs, nor did I think I would spend free time at work goggling “Fun Fall Recipes” and quite certainly not nevah did I think fresh would out number frozen in my refrigerator-But you know what the greatest thing about life is… it takes you by surprise.
Now on to #3… guys she is horrible, she exudes unfabulousness. She walked into my life with no warning, no call, no knock on the door: just showed up. At first I tried to ignore her, thinking if I pretended like she wasn’t there, she would just leave…. Oh but here’s the kicker… she’s made herself quite comfortable and it looks like she’s here to stay. Ugh, this isn’t my first encounter with her but where to even begin. First of let’s talk about the way she’s constantly nagging me for attention, she’s not the kind of guest where you hand over a towel and a wash cloth, say “make yourself at home” and never see again… Nope! not this lady… She insists that we spend time together and get this, she swears she’s an expert with relationships. She’s constantly asking questions and offering unwanted relationship advice. Making me second guess myself and act nuts. Not to mention she would blow Kim Kardashian’s texting issues out of the water, I can’t get her to put her crackberry down. And as much as she questions me, I don’t think she’s too sure of herself either. Nah, I’m on to her… she’s scared; she doesn’t know what her next move is.
See for women we are all in competition to be experts in the same field: relationships. We all want to feel like we got this on lock: owning, living and working it with such confidence that no one can sniff out our real flaw….. We are utterly clueless.
See it’s completely hysterical if you stop and think about it, maybe the biggest joke of all time. We ladies act like we get men, we get how relationships work, we know how to control feelings and our heart. We try to break it all apart in our heads until we’ve come up with a fool proof plan... Yet if we all have our Certificate in Expertness: Relationships…. why is every magazine catered around questioning our expertise and giving us insight to the realm of love and relationships. “5 signs he’s really into you”- “20 new tricks to wow your man”- “How to decode your mans messages”- “What he’s really thinking”- “How to get a new guy to notice you”…….
I mean come one!!! I like to think we women are really fabulous, but each of us has the latest issue of Cosmo in our rooms or book filled with relationship guidance, yet we are the experts?? Why do we purchase these “self-help guides”… just to read and make sure those journalists aren’t trippin’? To clarify the information that we already know? We buy those magazines and self help books because we want to double check our degree? (Please don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about… I was once caught my an attractive male in a public place reading “Dump the Slump and Find a Quality Man” … needless to say that conversation didn’t end with an exchange of numbers)
In what other venture in life do we put the pressure on ourselves to be instant experts: learning how to drive?..nope, learning how to spell?.. nope, cook?..nope, create budgets?..nope!, If we walked in to our first day of work and our boss said to us, “Well we hired you because you’re an expert at what we do here and we have full confidence in you, no mistakes!”…. ughhh I don’t know about you but I’d consider this ludicrous. We make mistakes, we aren’t experts… life is made up of mistakes/ failures and courage to overcome. So why do we women start relationships out with this pressure of “being an expert.”
I’ll go first… and maybe you will follow. … that really unfabulous girl I was describing earlier.... unfortunately I know her rather to well, she shows up every time I decide to take my cool off, see truth is.. She’s me. “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Thank you, Marylin, you said it sister!
I’m going to be real honest here ladies and say the one thing every girl thinks they shouldn’t admit. Please try not to cringe; "I am not an expert at relationships." There I said it, now get me a martini!
Seriously, I think if we could all just admit this to ourselves, our friends and to our men… we might actually get somewhere. I think it’s so funny when I ask my friends for advise regarding guys and they respond “I mean I am not an expert…but….” It’s like oh wait… you aren’t a relationship expert? You don’t hold the Mecca of successful relationships within? You mean to tell me I can’t get “expert” level advice while talking with you… I can’t help but laugh, why do we think we need to be experts in something that is constantly changing and stems from the heart.
As I have embarked on the journey to hushing my inner expert-wannabe, I have to realize “the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you- you love, well, that's just fabulous.”
With Love and humility we meet sucess,
9.07.2010
“Maybe all men are a drug. Sometimes they bring you down and sometimes, like now, they get you so high."
Dear Love Birds,
We all have moments in our days that make us think, rethink, retry and revise. Recently I’ve had an opportunity to embark on a path that has made me do all of these things, and I must say I like it. We all have people who surprise us from time to time and if you will allow those surprises, they can rattle, stir and rekindle many things within you.
One of those rethinks/retries has brought me to this blog today. See I confess, I will share relationship advice until the cows come home (or martini’s run out). There are few things I like better then to be a solid rock (or at least support over a few cocktails) for my friends. I always like to come up with different ways of thinking about the situation at hand, fabulous “one-liners” are my forte and honestly nothing makes me happier then when people tell me they can relate to my blog. See folks, writing this blog or g-chatting with you about your latest boo… comes so naturally. It takes so little thought and edit for me. Not to toot my own horn, but some of my friends rely on what I am going to tell them about their latest and greatest for the simple fact that I always have something to say. (Whether it is right or wrong… that’s here nor there) What’s the point? Well my dilemma exists in the fact that I have a horrible, reluctant issue with practicing what I preach.
When the relationship does not involve me nor are the issues making/breaking my heart… all day I will sit there and offer advice or alternative solutions. I love that my friends can break down their walls and be vulnerable with me. I can talk about feelings and emotions; wants and desires; passions-you name it. Whatever topic you would like to discuss about your life, I’ve got ideas and visions pouring out of this brain and probably a cocktail recipe to parallel. On the flipside… Me? You want to discuss what I want? Oh, what I would like to see happen for me? Where I want to be in this relationship? How I feel about him? Wait… you would like to discuss where him and I stand? ….. Total breakdown. It’s like watching a robot run out of battery juice. It’s awkward and humiliating; I myself want to look away, so I can only imagine how the viewer must feel. It legitimately becomes the worst conversation of all time, filled with a trillion “ums”, “ya know what I means” and enough “likeeee”’s to make a valley girl blush.
It is a train wreck and only the few and the trusted get to witness this. I’m telling you it’s disgusting. How can one offer such advice to others yet be terrified to express self existing issues? Well here’s the answer friends-vulnerability. I think this Sex in the City quote sums it up- “When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?”
A long long time ago, I recklessly allowed myself to fall in love, and that’s exactly what I did-I fell. Ok, Okay more like dove off a 100 foot high dive without the slightest clue if there was even a puddle of water underneath me. At the end of the day, when I got to the bottom of the relationship there was no puddle, in fact there wasn’t a sign of H20 for a 100 mile radius.
Now, no need for a piety party, he and the relationship were ALL wrong for me. Needless to say, I’ve stood up from this fall, brushed myself off, gathered the pieces and for the last couple years selectively pieced them back together. I say selectively because once you break, you learn so much truth about yourself and I wanted the opportunity to explore this. “There are cracks in everyone…that’s how the light of God gets in."-Eat Love Pray. I could not agree more with this statement.
Back to my favorite world of the English language-vulnerability. It’s hard, it’s my battle. It’s my relationship brick, if you will. The one thing that holds me back is the one thing I desire most in a intimate relationship- complete and utter vulnerability. I mean the definition doesn’t lend much support: capable of being physically or emotionally wounded, open to attack or damage, liable to increased penalties but entitled to increased bonuses after winning. See taken in context this is horrifying and extremely pessimistic but that last definition wraps up the beauty of this emotion: “increased bonuses after winning.” At this point in my life, I understand that when I find the person worthy of being vulnerable with again, it will be such a rush. To lose part of yourself in another, to trust without hesitation and to grow together is an absolutely beautiful gift.
Last time I fell-ok more like plummeted into love, moving forward I want to grow, in love and in vulnerability. Nonetheless, I’m working on it and I sincerely appreciate those of you whom- no matter how awkward it is to watch me squirm; you stand still with me.
Drum roll please… so what’s your battle? Your relationship brick? Because when all is said and done- you can’t take it with you…live life to the fullest.
With love and growth,
We all have moments in our days that make us think, rethink, retry and revise. Recently I’ve had an opportunity to embark on a path that has made me do all of these things, and I must say I like it. We all have people who surprise us from time to time and if you will allow those surprises, they can rattle, stir and rekindle many things within you.
One of those rethinks/retries has brought me to this blog today. See I confess, I will share relationship advice until the cows come home (or martini’s run out). There are few things I like better then to be a solid rock (or at least support over a few cocktails) for my friends. I always like to come up with different ways of thinking about the situation at hand, fabulous “one-liners” are my forte and honestly nothing makes me happier then when people tell me they can relate to my blog. See folks, writing this blog or g-chatting with you about your latest boo… comes so naturally. It takes so little thought and edit for me. Not to toot my own horn, but some of my friends rely on what I am going to tell them about their latest and greatest for the simple fact that I always have something to say. (Whether it is right or wrong… that’s here nor there) What’s the point? Well my dilemma exists in the fact that I have a horrible, reluctant issue with practicing what I preach.
When the relationship does not involve me nor are the issues making/breaking my heart… all day I will sit there and offer advice or alternative solutions. I love that my friends can break down their walls and be vulnerable with me. I can talk about feelings and emotions; wants and desires; passions-you name it. Whatever topic you would like to discuss about your life, I’ve got ideas and visions pouring out of this brain and probably a cocktail recipe to parallel. On the flipside… Me? You want to discuss what I want? Oh, what I would like to see happen for me? Where I want to be in this relationship? How I feel about him? Wait… you would like to discuss where him and I stand? ….. Total breakdown. It’s like watching a robot run out of battery juice. It’s awkward and humiliating; I myself want to look away, so I can only imagine how the viewer must feel. It legitimately becomes the worst conversation of all time, filled with a trillion “ums”, “ya know what I means” and enough “likeeee”’s to make a valley girl blush.
It is a train wreck and only the few and the trusted get to witness this. I’m telling you it’s disgusting. How can one offer such advice to others yet be terrified to express self existing issues? Well here’s the answer friends-vulnerability. I think this Sex in the City quote sums it up- “When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?”
A long long time ago, I recklessly allowed myself to fall in love, and that’s exactly what I did-I fell. Ok, Okay more like dove off a 100 foot high dive without the slightest clue if there was even a puddle of water underneath me. At the end of the day, when I got to the bottom of the relationship there was no puddle, in fact there wasn’t a sign of H20 for a 100 mile radius.
Now, no need for a piety party, he and the relationship were ALL wrong for me. Needless to say, I’ve stood up from this fall, brushed myself off, gathered the pieces and for the last couple years selectively pieced them back together. I say selectively because once you break, you learn so much truth about yourself and I wanted the opportunity to explore this. “There are cracks in everyone…that’s how the light of God gets in."-Eat Love Pray. I could not agree more with this statement.
Back to my favorite world of the English language-vulnerability. It’s hard, it’s my battle. It’s my relationship brick, if you will. The one thing that holds me back is the one thing I desire most in a intimate relationship- complete and utter vulnerability. I mean the definition doesn’t lend much support: capable of being physically or emotionally wounded, open to attack or damage, liable to increased penalties but entitled to increased bonuses after winning. See taken in context this is horrifying and extremely pessimistic but that last definition wraps up the beauty of this emotion: “increased bonuses after winning.” At this point in my life, I understand that when I find the person worthy of being vulnerable with again, it will be such a rush. To lose part of yourself in another, to trust without hesitation and to grow together is an absolutely beautiful gift.
Last time I fell-ok more like plummeted into love, moving forward I want to grow, in love and in vulnerability. Nonetheless, I’m working on it and I sincerely appreciate those of you whom- no matter how awkward it is to watch me squirm; you stand still with me.
Drum roll please… so what’s your battle? Your relationship brick? Because when all is said and done- you can’t take it with you…live life to the fullest.
With love and growth,
7.14.2010
"Some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less. Than butterflies..."-Sex in the City
Dear "embarrassed" Singles,
Can I just take a moment to vent? Okay, I knew once I graduated College it was only inevitable that my friends would settle down, get married, have babies and join the traditions…. but currently I feel like Facebook is stressing me out. My entire news feed is filled with marriage updates, cooking for in-laws, photos of newborn babies, new homes and snap shots of engagement rings. I mean what is a single Gal to do, ignore them and go back to posting witty “Sex in the City” quotes? After awhile you can’t help but start comparing and allowing that crazy voice in your head to start posing questions…. “And Amber… what do you have to say for yourself?”
Unlike most of my blogs where I reminisce on theory or ideas… I want to try to set a picture for you. Recently I had a fabulous- eye opening- life changing- tear jerking- non-stop laughing-“Oh my gosh you didn’t”-rager- I can’t believe it’s over weekend- with three of my best friends. I traveled to the place I often refer to as my heart- Charlotte, North Carolina to celebrate Red, White and Booze. I have spent the past 3 Fourth of July’s in Charlotte with these friends and each year is a bit different yet totally the same. Let me try to describe these friends in a nut shell so to better understand…
Kim, college Cheerleader-long bopping pony tail, giggling, flirts with every player on the team- Science nerd, sorority sister. (Yes, that actually does exist.) Kim’s gorgeous and extremely intelligent, end of story. We met freshman year and our lives quickly paralleled… we lived in all the rager spots on campus, attended spring break in Panama City, dated Wingate athletes and even after four years… dancing like ninny’s NEVER gets old. We made the responsible decision as fresh 21 year olds to spend an entire summer together in Charlotte (bottoms up!) and we had more fun in those three months then most have in a lifetime. There is no doubt that over the years there have been too many memories to count (or account for).
Jacq –Sassy- Princess- Exotic Barbie- to whom I owe so much of my confidence and witty position in life to, sorority sister. She has been a mentor, biggest fan, life-coach and partner in crime. Although at the end of the day… we appreciate more of each other then most people even recognize in themselves. We celebrate our tremendously in tune way of thinking by never missing an opportunity to call each other out and the list of hilarious-ness between us is a never-ending growing record.
For the past 6 years of our lives- Jacq, Kim and I always shared the same status…. Single and damn proud of it, unless of course we were dating. (Which by the way...only got more fabulous) See to set the record straight, for the most part, all my girlfriends in college never had serious relationships. In the passion of the moment some of us thought our significant other was someone to talk about … but serious? No- I would never attach that adjective. We had a blast in college-single or dating-but we never took anything too seriously.
Now let’s please fast-forward to present life. My comrades have found love. This weekend proved that much to me. They are madly-crazily-passionately-baby this, honey that- head-over heals-seriously in love. Jacq with Tee/Kim with Micah…. Please take a moment to let that sink in…… My two co-pilots traded in their wings. None-the-less and aside from the jokes- I do want to add that I am filled with exuberant happiness for both of them and wish them nothing but the best. XO.
On the flip side and to give this tale a bit more spice let me introduce another character to the plot. My best guy friend friend Lee who I have known for the last six years and also celebrated that past 3 fourths with. My oh My, where do I begin… well I will start with- I have never had more laughs, more drinks and more fun with any other guy to date. Through the years we have shared relationships, boy/girl problems, pool days, spring breaks, holidays, families, tears, jokes and so much more. His family became a second home to me while I lived in Charlotte for that legendary summer and through the years we have created a hodgepodge of countless memories. Now without adding to much complication into this… Lee and I also were a “something” once upon a time and if you can tell me the beginning and end to this… well than you are one step ahead of me. Basically, when all is said and done, if Lee is around a smile never leaves my face, and through it all, thick and thin-complicated and simplistic, he’s remains one of my best friends.
So back at the Ranch… I spent the weekend with Jacq/Tee, Kimber/Miacha and Lee. And through this weekend I witnessed a great deal of clarity in my life. See with all the Facebook stressing, friends getting married and with my two close commands settling down... I began to think, about where I stood on this current true-life issue. Also thinking… how would I react to seeing Jacq and Kim in these committed/serious relationships? Would I yearn to have something similar in my life? Was I going to feel less adequate? How would I react to the change?
Now, I don’t think I need to elaborate on my status… still very much in the singleton mode, independent working woman with absolutely no desire (or apparent appearance) of settling down any time soon. And I am here to say “That’s OKAY!” (Recently a lot of my friends have expressed the need for that reassurance, bringing the conversation up in embarrassment.)
The trip to see my friends did in fact answer a lot of questions for me. And the answer is No, I’m not ready to be involved in a serious relationship. I’m not ready for the commitments, the sacrifices, the desires- you name it, I’m not ready, maybe timing really is everything. But more than this I’ve come to the realization that happiness varies from person to person and relationship to relationship- no one should throw stones. What makes ones person’s world complete could leave another’s world empty. Just like everyone has their own taste in a significant other… we all have our own unique taste for happiness. And last but not least…some people find their happiness in a person…. And some people just want to find someone to share their happiness with. So go on… allow yourself to find your happiness.
With love and heart,
Can I just take a moment to vent? Okay, I knew once I graduated College it was only inevitable that my friends would settle down, get married, have babies and join the traditions…. but currently I feel like Facebook is stressing me out. My entire news feed is filled with marriage updates, cooking for in-laws, photos of newborn babies, new homes and snap shots of engagement rings. I mean what is a single Gal to do, ignore them and go back to posting witty “Sex in the City” quotes? After awhile you can’t help but start comparing and allowing that crazy voice in your head to start posing questions…. “And Amber… what do you have to say for yourself?”
Unlike most of my blogs where I reminisce on theory or ideas… I want to try to set a picture for you. Recently I had a fabulous- eye opening- life changing- tear jerking- non-stop laughing-“Oh my gosh you didn’t”-rager- I can’t believe it’s over weekend- with three of my best friends. I traveled to the place I often refer to as my heart- Charlotte, North Carolina to celebrate Red, White and Booze. I have spent the past 3 Fourth of July’s in Charlotte with these friends and each year is a bit different yet totally the same. Let me try to describe these friends in a nut shell so to better understand…
Kim, college Cheerleader-long bopping pony tail, giggling, flirts with every player on the team- Science nerd, sorority sister. (Yes, that actually does exist.) Kim’s gorgeous and extremely intelligent, end of story. We met freshman year and our lives quickly paralleled… we lived in all the rager spots on campus, attended spring break in Panama City, dated Wingate athletes and even after four years… dancing like ninny’s NEVER gets old. We made the responsible decision as fresh 21 year olds to spend an entire summer together in Charlotte (bottoms up!) and we had more fun in those three months then most have in a lifetime. There is no doubt that over the years there have been too many memories to count (or account for).
Jacq –Sassy- Princess- Exotic Barbie- to whom I owe so much of my confidence and witty position in life to, sorority sister. She has been a mentor, biggest fan, life-coach and partner in crime. Although at the end of the day… we appreciate more of each other then most people even recognize in themselves. We celebrate our tremendously in tune way of thinking by never missing an opportunity to call each other out and the list of hilarious-ness between us is a never-ending growing record.
For the past 6 years of our lives- Jacq, Kim and I always shared the same status…. Single and damn proud of it, unless of course we were dating. (Which by the way...only got more fabulous) See to set the record straight, for the most part, all my girlfriends in college never had serious relationships. In the passion of the moment some of us thought our significant other was someone to talk about … but serious? No- I would never attach that adjective. We had a blast in college-single or dating-but we never took anything too seriously.
Now let’s please fast-forward to present life. My comrades have found love. This weekend proved that much to me. They are madly-crazily-passionately-baby this, honey that- head-over heals-seriously in love. Jacq with Tee/Kim with Micah…. Please take a moment to let that sink in…… My two co-pilots traded in their wings. None-the-less and aside from the jokes- I do want to add that I am filled with exuberant happiness for both of them and wish them nothing but the best. XO.
On the flip side and to give this tale a bit more spice let me introduce another character to the plot. My best guy friend friend Lee who I have known for the last six years and also celebrated that past 3 fourths with. My oh My, where do I begin… well I will start with- I have never had more laughs, more drinks and more fun with any other guy to date. Through the years we have shared relationships, boy/girl problems, pool days, spring breaks, holidays, families, tears, jokes and so much more. His family became a second home to me while I lived in Charlotte for that legendary summer and through the years we have created a hodgepodge of countless memories. Now without adding to much complication into this… Lee and I also were a “something” once upon a time and if you can tell me the beginning and end to this… well than you are one step ahead of me. Basically, when all is said and done, if Lee is around a smile never leaves my face, and through it all, thick and thin-complicated and simplistic, he’s remains one of my best friends.
So back at the Ranch… I spent the weekend with Jacq/Tee, Kimber/Miacha and Lee. And through this weekend I witnessed a great deal of clarity in my life. See with all the Facebook stressing, friends getting married and with my two close commands settling down... I began to think, about where I stood on this current true-life issue. Also thinking… how would I react to seeing Jacq and Kim in these committed/serious relationships? Would I yearn to have something similar in my life? Was I going to feel less adequate? How would I react to the change?
Now, I don’t think I need to elaborate on my status… still very much in the singleton mode, independent working woman with absolutely no desire (or apparent appearance) of settling down any time soon. And I am here to say “That’s OKAY!” (Recently a lot of my friends have expressed the need for that reassurance, bringing the conversation up in embarrassment.)
The trip to see my friends did in fact answer a lot of questions for me. And the answer is No, I’m not ready to be involved in a serious relationship. I’m not ready for the commitments, the sacrifices, the desires- you name it, I’m not ready, maybe timing really is everything. But more than this I’ve come to the realization that happiness varies from person to person and relationship to relationship- no one should throw stones. What makes ones person’s world complete could leave another’s world empty. Just like everyone has their own taste in a significant other… we all have our own unique taste for happiness. And last but not least…some people find their happiness in a person…. And some people just want to find someone to share their happiness with. So go on… allow yourself to find your happiness.
With love and heart,
6.17.2010
It’s like one day you realize that the fairytale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle." -Grey's
Dear Non-believers,
This year I received a birthday card that I keep on my desk in my office. I always appreciate when someone decides to spend the ridiculous/totally worth it, extra 6 bucks to express their (or someone working for Hallmarks) feelings. (Honestly though, if you are ever having a crappy day or trouble expressing some emotion… just mosey into the nearest Hallmark store… all the world’s problems-solved.) “A Birthday Fairy Tale”- Once upon a time, there was a princess who was like a size four or something. She could eat and drink whatever she wanted and always stayed really skinny and had flat, firm abs even though she never when to the gym. Every time she tried on jeans, the very first pair fit perfectly and made her butt look amazing. She lived in a great big, beautiful castle with her handsome, multimillionaire husband, who was busy all the time buying her giant diamonds, taking her to Hawaii, giving her foot massages, and telling her how beautiful she was. One day she was eaten by a dragon and no one cared. The End. Hope your birthday’s even better than a fairy tale.
This card sits on my desk not just because it’s pink and loaded with glitter, but I think there is a lot of wisdom and truth to take from this card. See if you are anything like me, You grew up glued to the television watching fairytales... Cinderella, The Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Lady and the Tramp, and so on. Okay, I’ll speak for myself here… but from age 3 till about 6 years old, I imagined these story lines magically playing out as my life- a fairytale. I was SUCH a girl growing up.(I understand this statement is horribly frightening for you if….A) you have seen my bedroom currently (PINK) B) if you understand my love for glitter and can possibly imagine it was grander C) you hear me talk on a regular basis)
Barbie’s, baby dolls and glitter- rinse and repeat, playing “make believe” was my forte and I was fabulous at it. I will never forget the day when my vision of life, love and fairy tales changed forever. It was a beautiful spring day and I was playing my favorite make believe game- Barbie’s, with another fabulous 6 year old, when our older (by 9 months) and way cooler friend (mostly because she had inherited some amazing Barbie’s and accessories from her older sister) ran into our innocent game with news our precious ears were just not ready for. “Girls! Big news, did you know…. In order to have babies you have to KISS a boy… after you get married of course, but that’s what my Mom told me today.”
Those words haunted my dreams- sure I had seen the princesses in the movies kiss their prince.. but me? I had to? (late bloomer, okay, okay.) So later that night I thought to myself, “Well if I was going to have to kiss a boy, he better be a prince.” Ohhhhhhh Jesus..what had these movies, make believes, fairytales done to me!
Fast-forward, 1993-2010, other than my hair cuts, fashion sense, and drink of choice not much has changed. Okay fine- lots has changed but one thing remains the same, “I still read fairy tales and I like them best of all.” ‘Sweet Home Alabama,’ ‘Legally Blonde, ‘Notting Hill,’ ‘Moulin Rouge, ‘Never Been Kissed, ‘Love Actually’, ‘The Notebook’ and basically ever movie Cameron Diaz has been a part of in the last 10 years. I mean come on ladies, we disguise them as “Chick Flicks” or “Romantic Comedy” but they are just modern day fairytales. Even my idol show, “Sex in the City” had to end its career happily ever after.
This bothers me and empowers me all at the same time. It bothers me because life and relationships are not fairy-talistic, they are realistic. I mean larger issues then losing a glass slipper are bound to rise in a relationship and even though we can relate to the more modern day flicks sometimes the good girl doesn’t always win. We still see these women winning the guy, kissing the prince, showing up looking fabulous at the ball with a one of a kind dress... lies! I would like to see what happens when Sleeping Beauty finds Prince charming with some other broad on the back of his white horse..? Or when Snow White realizes she can't live with 7 tiny men anymore because the Prince is jealous of the ragers and can't trust her? Or when Belle has to introduce the Beast at a networking event... how does she explain that one?
On the other hand, fairytales hold a great amount of empowerment. Don’t settle, enough said. Marilyn Monroe said it best-“It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone." (You will probably never believe this until you’ve been there) Be true to yourself, people are only going to love/respect you half of what you love/respect yourself, they won’t value your worth, if you don’t find yourself worthy. Surround yourself with people who are going to make you better and want the best for you; never let people mirror their problems on you. And last but not least, this is a big one… if you are constantly in relationships that leave you with the “shoppers guilt” feeling, (it was such a good deal at the time) say bye, bye.
Sometimes you have to break your own heart, sometimes you have to make the easier choices harder and the harder choices easier, sometimes you have to really know what being alone is all about, Sometimes you have to be humbled, sometimes you have need expectations to crumble, sometimes you need to be your own best friend and sometimes you have to lose it all, to gain it all.
Real fairytales aren’t always rainbows and sunshine. They are hard work mixed with dreams, 2 parts timing, baked at 100% for years and years to come. Just hold on to faith and fairy tales..because when all the princes seem to rode off into the sunset with a gorgeous, skinny jean wearing, exotic looking Cinderella or when you feel trapped in a lonely, boring unhealthy relationship, just think… What if the 5-year-old version of yourself could come back... what would she say? I know my 5 year old self would come back and tell me to keep wearing the glitter, trust my heart, believe in the magic, kiss only the princes and for god sake never lose hope in fairytales.
With love and pixie dust,
This year I received a birthday card that I keep on my desk in my office. I always appreciate when someone decides to spend the ridiculous/totally worth it, extra 6 bucks to express their (or someone working for Hallmarks) feelings. (Honestly though, if you are ever having a crappy day or trouble expressing some emotion… just mosey into the nearest Hallmark store… all the world’s problems-solved.) “A Birthday Fairy Tale”- Once upon a time, there was a princess who was like a size four or something. She could eat and drink whatever she wanted and always stayed really skinny and had flat, firm abs even though she never when to the gym. Every time she tried on jeans, the very first pair fit perfectly and made her butt look amazing. She lived in a great big, beautiful castle with her handsome, multimillionaire husband, who was busy all the time buying her giant diamonds, taking her to Hawaii, giving her foot massages, and telling her how beautiful she was. One day she was eaten by a dragon and no one cared. The End. Hope your birthday’s even better than a fairy tale.
This card sits on my desk not just because it’s pink and loaded with glitter, but I think there is a lot of wisdom and truth to take from this card. See if you are anything like me, You grew up glued to the television watching fairytales... Cinderella, The Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Lady and the Tramp, and so on. Okay, I’ll speak for myself here… but from age 3 till about 6 years old, I imagined these story lines magically playing out as my life- a fairytale. I was SUCH a girl growing up.(I understand this statement is horribly frightening for you if….A) you have seen my bedroom currently (PINK) B) if you understand my love for glitter and can possibly imagine it was grander C) you hear me talk on a regular basis)
Barbie’s, baby dolls and glitter- rinse and repeat, playing “make believe” was my forte and I was fabulous at it. I will never forget the day when my vision of life, love and fairy tales changed forever. It was a beautiful spring day and I was playing my favorite make believe game- Barbie’s, with another fabulous 6 year old, when our older (by 9 months) and way cooler friend (mostly because she had inherited some amazing Barbie’s and accessories from her older sister) ran into our innocent game with news our precious ears were just not ready for. “Girls! Big news, did you know…. In order to have babies you have to KISS a boy… after you get married of course, but that’s what my Mom told me today.”
Those words haunted my dreams- sure I had seen the princesses in the movies kiss their prince.. but me? I had to? (late bloomer, okay, okay.) So later that night I thought to myself, “Well if I was going to have to kiss a boy, he better be a prince.” Ohhhhhhh Jesus..what had these movies, make believes, fairytales done to me!
Fast-forward, 1993-2010, other than my hair cuts, fashion sense, and drink of choice not much has changed. Okay fine- lots has changed but one thing remains the same, “I still read fairy tales and I like them best of all.” ‘Sweet Home Alabama,’ ‘Legally Blonde, ‘Notting Hill,’ ‘Moulin Rouge, ‘Never Been Kissed, ‘Love Actually’, ‘The Notebook’ and basically ever movie Cameron Diaz has been a part of in the last 10 years. I mean come on ladies, we disguise them as “Chick Flicks” or “Romantic Comedy” but they are just modern day fairytales. Even my idol show, “Sex in the City” had to end its career happily ever after.
This bothers me and empowers me all at the same time. It bothers me because life and relationships are not fairy-talistic, they are realistic. I mean larger issues then losing a glass slipper are bound to rise in a relationship and even though we can relate to the more modern day flicks sometimes the good girl doesn’t always win. We still see these women winning the guy, kissing the prince, showing up looking fabulous at the ball with a one of a kind dress... lies! I would like to see what happens when Sleeping Beauty finds Prince charming with some other broad on the back of his white horse..? Or when Snow White realizes she can't live with 7 tiny men anymore because the Prince is jealous of the ragers and can't trust her? Or when Belle has to introduce the Beast at a networking event... how does she explain that one?
On the other hand, fairytales hold a great amount of empowerment. Don’t settle, enough said. Marilyn Monroe said it best-“It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone." (You will probably never believe this until you’ve been there) Be true to yourself, people are only going to love/respect you half of what you love/respect yourself, they won’t value your worth, if you don’t find yourself worthy. Surround yourself with people who are going to make you better and want the best for you; never let people mirror their problems on you. And last but not least, this is a big one… if you are constantly in relationships that leave you with the “shoppers guilt” feeling, (it was such a good deal at the time) say bye, bye.
Sometimes you have to break your own heart, sometimes you have to make the easier choices harder and the harder choices easier, sometimes you have to really know what being alone is all about, Sometimes you have to be humbled, sometimes you have need expectations to crumble, sometimes you need to be your own best friend and sometimes you have to lose it all, to gain it all.
Real fairytales aren’t always rainbows and sunshine. They are hard work mixed with dreams, 2 parts timing, baked at 100% for years and years to come. Just hold on to faith and fairy tales..because when all the princes seem to rode off into the sunset with a gorgeous, skinny jean wearing, exotic looking Cinderella or when you feel trapped in a lonely, boring unhealthy relationship, just think… What if the 5-year-old version of yourself could come back... what would she say? I know my 5 year old self would come back and tell me to keep wearing the glitter, trust my heart, believe in the magic, kiss only the princes and for god sake never lose hope in fairytales.
With love and pixie dust,
4.29.2010
"It always starts the same- with a boy, a girl and a game" - Lady Ga Ga
Dear Gamers,
Recently I have been under a brutal attack. Under the harassment of the dreaded, double sided question that every single 23 year old faces. This attack is one of verbal bullets, hitting you from all directions and always when you least expect it. It starts out soft and slow with a, “Sooooooo…” (at this point I already know what is coming next and my stomach immediately twists into knots) “Sooooooo, Do you have a boyfriend?”
REALLLLLY people? If I had a boyfriend, don’t you think I would have brought him up in conversation… Don’t you think I would say, “So last night me and my boyfriend……” Everyone I know who has a boyfriend talks about him- don’t get me wrong, I mean it’s a great thing… If you have met someone at 23 and they impressed you enough to earn the introduction, “Hi, this is my boyfriend.” WOW, kudos to you! I on-the-other-hand have not found a guy that I want to stand next me at the bar for more than 45 min let alone to honor him this with that introduction. I mean the way I see it, when you have a boyfriend you talk about it, you tell people, you bring up stories, you say things like “oh last night (boy name) and I went to dinner and it was so cute.” For the people who know me….. WHEN is the last time you have heard me say anything on these lines… never… So why, tell me why… in the past month I have been asked “So do you have a boy friend.” 100,000 times! Whooo.
Funny story- I called my grandma the other day to say Hello and see how she is doing. She told me she was proud of my recent ‘adult like choices’ aka… buying a car, starting a new fabulous job and moving into the city. I told her that I loved my life and was so happy and really felt like things were all in place for me. Now every time I talk to my grandma she informs me of my cousin’s latest less-than-fabulous boyfriend or her friend’s grandchild tying the knot, and how beautiful they looked at their wedding. This has been a topic and point of conversation since I was a junior in high school. Now my response to this question varied… sometimes I would fib… “Oh yea, this guy and I are dating- he’s great” (when in real life we were facebook friends and occasionally I got a text message on weekends when his girlfriend was out of town) and sometimes I was honest, “No, I do certainly do not.” (you gotta keep them on their toes) I mean come one! So this conversation was leading into the same redundant topic …Without hesitation the question spoke, “So do you have a boyfriend.”
(Now in my defense, I had already been asked this 20 times in the last month, I was a bit hungover and someone had parked in my parking spot) “Actually grandma, you know what- I have a whole lotta boyfriends.” …… Silence.
Yikes! That’s not even the truth.. I have guys that ask me to drinks or I have guys that text me from other states… I have guys to keep my mind off the fact that I don’t have a boyfriend, that’s what I should of said. “Ms. Independent but she’s not alone.” –that’s my motto in the present.
Here’s the deal people and fellow singletons, I started to let this attack really bother me. I started to let the words sink into my core and swim around my veins. I allow the questions to overtake my sanity and I began to question myself. I said to myself- “Amber? Why DON’T you have a boyfriend? I mean everyone keeps asking and wondering.”And then I did the worst thing any self proclaimed single can do to themselves, this is when you get yourself into trouble... I asked myself the six words that can rip your heart into pieces and if you aren’t careful ruin your entire day, week or month… “Amber, what is so wrong with you?” Ohhhh OUCH!
Now I pulled myself out of this slump in about a week’s time… yes, I admit it- it took a week. Look I’m honest here people-any girl will tell you, sometimes for no damn reason you battle with yourself. You battle with the idea that everyone thinks you’re great and you think you’re fabulous… but at the end of the day you go to bed alone, cook yourself dinner, your favorite ring was bought my your dad, you go on third wheel double dates (maybe that’s just me but- hey!), you read “Dump the slump and find a quality man.” type books, and play texting games with guys who really didn’t deserve your number in the first place.
The way I see it.. things are so much more complicated these days.. Our grandma’s never had to deal with sideline hoes creepin’ on facebook, they didn’t have to deal with unanswered G-chats, drunken texts and all the other gaming our generation is consumed by. I mean this is entire blog in itself but honestly we complicate our own lives to no end! We are always guessing, wondering, over analyzing, going crazy in our minds, there is just no end to the madness. We need to take the reins of our generational game and either get in it or get out. It’s a game here girls that is hard to play, the rules are every changing and it’s a man’s world because when the lights of the stadium go out … we are the ones who are being asked the questions… why? Either way, I am back in the game, I feel like my blood is pumping another direction and I am ready for whatever twisted play comes at me next.
So here is a moral of the story ladies… when you start to become attacked by the double edged sword and the deathly questions begin to swarm your brain.. Remember… the sun is shining so put on your sundress and seize the day.. everyone knows the most beautiful girls are the happy ones and no matter if you are completely content with being single or walking around in a battle.. you are what you are- Tomorrow is another day, another opportunity and another game… so why not be fabulous at it!
With love and games,
Recently I have been under a brutal attack. Under the harassment of the dreaded, double sided question that every single 23 year old faces. This attack is one of verbal bullets, hitting you from all directions and always when you least expect it. It starts out soft and slow with a, “Sooooooo…” (at this point I already know what is coming next and my stomach immediately twists into knots) “Sooooooo, Do you have a boyfriend?”
REALLLLLY people? If I had a boyfriend, don’t you think I would have brought him up in conversation… Don’t you think I would say, “So last night me and my boyfriend……” Everyone I know who has a boyfriend talks about him- don’t get me wrong, I mean it’s a great thing… If you have met someone at 23 and they impressed you enough to earn the introduction, “Hi, this is my boyfriend.” WOW, kudos to you! I on-the-other-hand have not found a guy that I want to stand next me at the bar for more than 45 min let alone to honor him this with that introduction. I mean the way I see it, when you have a boyfriend you talk about it, you tell people, you bring up stories, you say things like “oh last night (boy name) and I went to dinner and it was so cute.” For the people who know me….. WHEN is the last time you have heard me say anything on these lines… never… So why, tell me why… in the past month I have been asked “So do you have a boy friend.” 100,000 times! Whooo.
Funny story- I called my grandma the other day to say Hello and see how she is doing. She told me she was proud of my recent ‘adult like choices’ aka… buying a car, starting a new fabulous job and moving into the city. I told her that I loved my life and was so happy and really felt like things were all in place for me. Now every time I talk to my grandma she informs me of my cousin’s latest less-than-fabulous boyfriend or her friend’s grandchild tying the knot, and how beautiful they looked at their wedding. This has been a topic and point of conversation since I was a junior in high school. Now my response to this question varied… sometimes I would fib… “Oh yea, this guy and I are dating- he’s great” (when in real life we were facebook friends and occasionally I got a text message on weekends when his girlfriend was out of town) and sometimes I was honest, “No, I do certainly do not.” (you gotta keep them on their toes) I mean come one! So this conversation was leading into the same redundant topic …Without hesitation the question spoke, “So do you have a boyfriend.”
(Now in my defense, I had already been asked this 20 times in the last month, I was a bit hungover and someone had parked in my parking spot) “Actually grandma, you know what- I have a whole lotta boyfriends.” …… Silence.
Yikes! That’s not even the truth.. I have guys that ask me to drinks or I have guys that text me from other states… I have guys to keep my mind off the fact that I don’t have a boyfriend, that’s what I should of said. “Ms. Independent but she’s not alone.” –that’s my motto in the present.
Here’s the deal people and fellow singletons, I started to let this attack really bother me. I started to let the words sink into my core and swim around my veins. I allow the questions to overtake my sanity and I began to question myself. I said to myself- “Amber? Why DON’T you have a boyfriend? I mean everyone keeps asking and wondering.”And then I did the worst thing any self proclaimed single can do to themselves, this is when you get yourself into trouble... I asked myself the six words that can rip your heart into pieces and if you aren’t careful ruin your entire day, week or month… “Amber, what is so wrong with you?” Ohhhh OUCH!
Now I pulled myself out of this slump in about a week’s time… yes, I admit it- it took a week. Look I’m honest here people-any girl will tell you, sometimes for no damn reason you battle with yourself. You battle with the idea that everyone thinks you’re great and you think you’re fabulous… but at the end of the day you go to bed alone, cook yourself dinner, your favorite ring was bought my your dad, you go on third wheel double dates (maybe that’s just me but- hey!), you read “Dump the slump and find a quality man.” type books, and play texting games with guys who really didn’t deserve your number in the first place.
The way I see it.. things are so much more complicated these days.. Our grandma’s never had to deal with sideline hoes creepin’ on facebook, they didn’t have to deal with unanswered G-chats, drunken texts and all the other gaming our generation is consumed by. I mean this is entire blog in itself but honestly we complicate our own lives to no end! We are always guessing, wondering, over analyzing, going crazy in our minds, there is just no end to the madness. We need to take the reins of our generational game and either get in it or get out. It’s a game here girls that is hard to play, the rules are every changing and it’s a man’s world because when the lights of the stadium go out … we are the ones who are being asked the questions… why? Either way, I am back in the game, I feel like my blood is pumping another direction and I am ready for whatever twisted play comes at me next.
So here is a moral of the story ladies… when you start to become attacked by the double edged sword and the deathly questions begin to swarm your brain.. Remember… the sun is shining so put on your sundress and seize the day.. everyone knows the most beautiful girls are the happy ones and no matter if you are completely content with being single or walking around in a battle.. you are what you are- Tomorrow is another day, another opportunity and another game… so why not be fabulous at it!
With love and games,
4.13.2010
"Would it be bad to have a martini with my muscle relaxant or bad in a good way?"-sex in the city
Dear Cardholders,
The other day while I waited impatiently in the grocery line I overheard a heartbreaking conversation. These two elderly ladies, wearing different shades of Barbie pink lipstick, were gossiping about the latest and greatest retiree news. “Can you believe it, after 55 years of marriage- she left him?”-whispered the pink lips. “I mean it wasn’t right what he did to her- but after all that time, they couldn’t work it out?” ‘55 years’, I just kept repeating this outrageous number in my head. I wished I was wearing a similar shade of lips so these dollys would warm up and I could start asking the questions I wanted answers to. “What did this dude do?” “Did the lady have another man?” And most importantly “How many martinis did you gals have to drink to recover from that one?” But before I whipped out my pink gloss and joined the gossip shesh, the magazine tabloid rack rocked my world.. “Tiger, Sandra, Jessica, Britney, John and Kate” -this kind of reckless mess was all around me.
Now, when it comes down to the core of it women are a lot alike, but how come some women leave their men and others stay. Some women stay in the worst conditions, deathly situations- all for the sake of love and commitment. While others leave their man after a simple dinner dispute. How do some woman have the patience of a goddess while others change their minds more often than I change my sheets? How do some women turn their heads to adultery, while others feed off of revenge? Furthermore, does God give every woman a certain amount of “I will walk to the end of the earth for my man” cards and once you cash all yours in- watch out!! I mean how come some girls will stay with a cheating, lying, drunk when others simply fall out of love at 70 years old and don’t bother to look back? Why do some rocky marriages stay together, while promising relationships fall to pieces? And the question I am mostly wondering…If you cash in your “end of the earth” cards to early in the game can you ever gain them back?
With love and martinis (plural)
The other day while I waited impatiently in the grocery line I overheard a heartbreaking conversation. These two elderly ladies, wearing different shades of Barbie pink lipstick, were gossiping about the latest and greatest retiree news. “Can you believe it, after 55 years of marriage- she left him?”-whispered the pink lips. “I mean it wasn’t right what he did to her- but after all that time, they couldn’t work it out?” ‘55 years’, I just kept repeating this outrageous number in my head. I wished I was wearing a similar shade of lips so these dollys would warm up and I could start asking the questions I wanted answers to. “What did this dude do?” “Did the lady have another man?” And most importantly “How many martinis did you gals have to drink to recover from that one?” But before I whipped out my pink gloss and joined the gossip shesh, the magazine tabloid rack rocked my world.. “Tiger, Sandra, Jessica, Britney, John and Kate” -this kind of reckless mess was all around me.
Now, when it comes down to the core of it women are a lot alike, but how come some women leave their men and others stay. Some women stay in the worst conditions, deathly situations- all for the sake of love and commitment. While others leave their man after a simple dinner dispute. How do some woman have the patience of a goddess while others change their minds more often than I change my sheets? How do some women turn their heads to adultery, while others feed off of revenge? Furthermore, does God give every woman a certain amount of “I will walk to the end of the earth for my man” cards and once you cash all yours in- watch out!! I mean how come some girls will stay with a cheating, lying, drunk when others simply fall out of love at 70 years old and don’t bother to look back? Why do some rocky marriages stay together, while promising relationships fall to pieces? And the question I am mostly wondering…If you cash in your “end of the earth” cards to early in the game can you ever gain them back?
With love and martinis (plural)
3.08.2010
“He wasn't who I had in mind, but he was who I wanted to be with. And that, of course, is the thing that matters most.”
Dear Typers,
I was reading this article the other day about a 40 year old women who woke up one day and looked at her life objectively. Too much of her dismay she found two things she never expected: she was single and 40. The article went on to explain how this gal in her hay-day dated multiple men searching for Mr. Right. She had certain protocols that these men had to meet and if they didn’t, they were given a pink slip. They had to have a certain height, certain hair style, a certain career (that brought home a certain amount of bacon) and a certain amount of sex appeal. Apparently at 40 years old the smoke has cleared and it seems that her protocol standards might have failed her.
She explains that if she hadn’t been so picky; she might have met her Mr. Right for her, by now. Brilliantly, Ms. 40 decided to help the younger generations with their protocol standards and continued generate advice. Some of her dazzling points included-but most certainly were not limited to- “even though you might prefer taller men, give the shorty at the bar a chance” and “He might be balding but at least you don’t have to worry about other women stealing your man.” Needless to say, I had a lot to think about after gaining such plethora of knowledge from this highly wise author.
First of all, it took this lady to reach her 40th birthday to realize it wasn’t all about looks? I mean I think I made this assumption in the 8th grade and haven’t been proven wrong yet. In my experience, guys with stunning looks, big egos and pockets to match; will never be truly satisfied with a simple family life. (Even though they look really sexy leaving in the morning- sport jacket in hand, their charismatic personalities will lead them places they have no business attending.) Take this for what it’s worth, but even my most recent “something” admitted to me, “I used to just go for looks, nothing else really mattered. But since I’ve met you, I realize that looks aren’t anything.” (Yeah…don’t worry we had words) and then he clarified “I still have to be attracted to the person but personality goes a lot further.” (Yeah... the verdict is still out for full clarification) Nonetheless, this is an attractive 24 year old guy and even he can see the light!
Either way, out of curiosity or maybe sheer horror- that I never wanted to end up this lady, I continued to dig a little deeper into my own life. Do women really have a type? Does having a type help you find your Mr. Right or does it prevent you?
Other than a 5’10-cut-off (I only date guys that are 5’10 and taller because of my extreme height advantage.) did I really consider myself a typer? Smart, dumb, cocky, shy, awkward, charismatic, nerdy, jock, muscular, guido, prepster, ghetto, athletic, fun, boring, college graduated, blue collar, military, hippy, older, younger, a lot younger, rich, poor, side-part, buzzed, fade, shaggy, foreign, boy next-door, troublemaker, momma’s boy, partier, church-goer, country, city and the randomness of my dating list continues…
I mean let’s face it, everyone’s unique and can they really be put into a box slash type? To be honest, I’ve had some of the most fun and satisfying relationships with guys who couldn’t take themselves or anything, for that matter in life, serious. And I’ve been miserably bored and deathly obsessed with guys, whom from the outside looking in were on top of the world. I’ve dated guys who from the first glance looked to be from the wrong side of the tracks but once given a chance, knew how to treat a lady better than any momma’s boy. I’ve been outsmarted by dropouts and I’ve been made to feel ill by the ignorance of ivy-leaguers. I’ve been calmed by the awkward and let loose by the shy. I’ve felt free in cities and trapped in the country. I’ve been held accountable by partiers and led astray by the good-doers. I’ve created everything out of nothing and I’ve ruined long friendships, just for the slight chance that there might be something more.
So in the grand scheme of things, what is a type? Maybe it’s not the type of person you are looking for but it’s the type of feeling you get when you are with them. Maybe finding Mr. Right isn’t about looking in all the right places, it’s about being right within and allowing your heart to feel people for who their hearts really are. “Your eyes are only as bright as the light in your heart”- and I believe in this. Maybe the answer lies in the ability to look past all the types and see that light, feel that light and fall in love with that light?
With love and perspective
I was reading this article the other day about a 40 year old women who woke up one day and looked at her life objectively. Too much of her dismay she found two things she never expected: she was single and 40. The article went on to explain how this gal in her hay-day dated multiple men searching for Mr. Right. She had certain protocols that these men had to meet and if they didn’t, they were given a pink slip. They had to have a certain height, certain hair style, a certain career (that brought home a certain amount of bacon) and a certain amount of sex appeal. Apparently at 40 years old the smoke has cleared and it seems that her protocol standards might have failed her.
She explains that if she hadn’t been so picky; she might have met her Mr. Right for her, by now. Brilliantly, Ms. 40 decided to help the younger generations with their protocol standards and continued generate advice. Some of her dazzling points included-but most certainly were not limited to- “even though you might prefer taller men, give the shorty at the bar a chance” and “He might be balding but at least you don’t have to worry about other women stealing your man.” Needless to say, I had a lot to think about after gaining such plethora of knowledge from this highly wise author.
First of all, it took this lady to reach her 40th birthday to realize it wasn’t all about looks? I mean I think I made this assumption in the 8th grade and haven’t been proven wrong yet. In my experience, guys with stunning looks, big egos and pockets to match; will never be truly satisfied with a simple family life. (Even though they look really sexy leaving in the morning- sport jacket in hand, their charismatic personalities will lead them places they have no business attending.) Take this for what it’s worth, but even my most recent “something” admitted to me, “I used to just go for looks, nothing else really mattered. But since I’ve met you, I realize that looks aren’t anything.” (Yeah…don’t worry we had words) and then he clarified “I still have to be attracted to the person but personality goes a lot further.” (Yeah... the verdict is still out for full clarification) Nonetheless, this is an attractive 24 year old guy and even he can see the light!
Either way, out of curiosity or maybe sheer horror- that I never wanted to end up this lady, I continued to dig a little deeper into my own life. Do women really have a type? Does having a type help you find your Mr. Right or does it prevent you?
Other than a 5’10-cut-off (I only date guys that are 5’10 and taller because of my extreme height advantage.) did I really consider myself a typer? Smart, dumb, cocky, shy, awkward, charismatic, nerdy, jock, muscular, guido, prepster, ghetto, athletic, fun, boring, college graduated, blue collar, military, hippy, older, younger, a lot younger, rich, poor, side-part, buzzed, fade, shaggy, foreign, boy next-door, troublemaker, momma’s boy, partier, church-goer, country, city and the randomness of my dating list continues…
I mean let’s face it, everyone’s unique and can they really be put into a box slash type? To be honest, I’ve had some of the most fun and satisfying relationships with guys who couldn’t take themselves or anything, for that matter in life, serious. And I’ve been miserably bored and deathly obsessed with guys, whom from the outside looking in were on top of the world. I’ve dated guys who from the first glance looked to be from the wrong side of the tracks but once given a chance, knew how to treat a lady better than any momma’s boy. I’ve been outsmarted by dropouts and I’ve been made to feel ill by the ignorance of ivy-leaguers. I’ve been calmed by the awkward and let loose by the shy. I’ve felt free in cities and trapped in the country. I’ve been held accountable by partiers and led astray by the good-doers. I’ve created everything out of nothing and I’ve ruined long friendships, just for the slight chance that there might be something more.
So in the grand scheme of things, what is a type? Maybe it’s not the type of person you are looking for but it’s the type of feeling you get when you are with them. Maybe finding Mr. Right isn’t about looking in all the right places, it’s about being right within and allowing your heart to feel people for who their hearts really are. “Your eyes are only as bright as the light in your heart”- and I believe in this. Maybe the answer lies in the ability to look past all the types and see that light, feel that light and fall in love with that light?
With love and perspective
3.03.2010
"I don't mind living in a mans world...As long as I can be the woman in it"- Marilyn Monroe
Dear Independents,
We all have friends in our lives that are revised versions of ourselves. You know that friend that you find yourself most alike. You both think alike, you finish each other’s sentences, you both prefer the same $5.99 bottle of wine, your strengths might be different but your weaknesses are all the same. The friend you lean on when the going gets tough because you know they are going to tell you what you need to hear, not just what you want to hear. They are always first to call you out on your mistakes, but only because you both have made them. The friend in your life that’s your trade-in model, the next year’s edition, always one foot ahead, never quick to judge but fast to challenge you. It’s like real-life Mysize Barbie. She’s your height, you both have pretty hair, you both play hard-to-get with Ken and wear the same fashions-but at the end of the day she’s the one that gets to sit in that fabulous mini pink convertible.
On my life’s bumpy road, paved with glitter and rhinestones, this friend for me is Jacquelynn Chambers. Not only did Jacq reinvent my life as a born-again princess but she has popped bottles of life I never knew exsisted. Not only have I gained novels of advice from her but she has witnessed firsthand, every ridiculous-ness on my memory’s self over the past two years. Not to mention the countless hours spent in a tanning bed trying to persuade my skin that bronzed is in, just to hold my own. Together: I learned to walk in her heels; (literally), dated a summer bromance duo and found my inner diva, hiding all along in the VIP sections fully stocked bar.
Needless to say-the fabulous life comes quick when she is around, so I want to take this moment to share a bit of wisdom from my real-life Barbie. If you are single or even if you are in one of those “somethings” this is about to blow your mind.
The Independent Girls Dating Game
-Created and perfected by Jacquelynn Chambers
Objective: “Do those boys like they use’t do you, if you pimp them I congratulate you.”-Beyonce
Number of players: As many as you can rotate
For ages- when the phrase “I’m single and ready to mingle” falls into your vocabulary
Now for the instrutions, this can be easily explained with the use of a metaphor… the independent girl’s game is easily compared to a stove-top with multiple burners and depending on how profesh you get the more pots you can have on it.
Basically girls it’s simple, men are pots and your dating life is a stove. … You have pots (men) on the back burners, simmering and you have pots on the front burners, boiling. You never want the pots in the back to think you forgot about them, so you bring them up to the front every once in awhile for a stir. On-the-other-hand you don’t want the pots on the front burners to get to cocky and boil over… so you move them to the back for some slow cooking. It’s all about rotating your pots… never let one stay on the same burner for too long or it might get over cooked or even worse-cold. You gotta mix it up, switch your pots, add some spice, stir it up and when the contents of your pots start to get bland… it’s out with the old in with the new.
With Love and Pots
We all have friends in our lives that are revised versions of ourselves. You know that friend that you find yourself most alike. You both think alike, you finish each other’s sentences, you both prefer the same $5.99 bottle of wine, your strengths might be different but your weaknesses are all the same. The friend you lean on when the going gets tough because you know they are going to tell you what you need to hear, not just what you want to hear. They are always first to call you out on your mistakes, but only because you both have made them. The friend in your life that’s your trade-in model, the next year’s edition, always one foot ahead, never quick to judge but fast to challenge you. It’s like real-life Mysize Barbie. She’s your height, you both have pretty hair, you both play hard-to-get with Ken and wear the same fashions-but at the end of the day she’s the one that gets to sit in that fabulous mini pink convertible.
On my life’s bumpy road, paved with glitter and rhinestones, this friend for me is Jacquelynn Chambers. Not only did Jacq reinvent my life as a born-again princess but she has popped bottles of life I never knew exsisted. Not only have I gained novels of advice from her but she has witnessed firsthand, every ridiculous-ness on my memory’s self over the past two years. Not to mention the countless hours spent in a tanning bed trying to persuade my skin that bronzed is in, just to hold my own. Together: I learned to walk in her heels; (literally), dated a summer bromance duo and found my inner diva, hiding all along in the VIP sections fully stocked bar.
Needless to say-the fabulous life comes quick when she is around, so I want to take this moment to share a bit of wisdom from my real-life Barbie. If you are single or even if you are in one of those “somethings” this is about to blow your mind.
The Independent Girls Dating Game
-Created and perfected by Jacquelynn Chambers
Objective: “Do those boys like they use’t do you, if you pimp them I congratulate you.”-Beyonce
Number of players: As many as you can rotate
For ages- when the phrase “I’m single and ready to mingle” falls into your vocabulary
Now for the instrutions, this can be easily explained with the use of a metaphor… the independent girl’s game is easily compared to a stove-top with multiple burners and depending on how profesh you get the more pots you can have on it.
Basically girls it’s simple, men are pots and your dating life is a stove. … You have pots (men) on the back burners, simmering and you have pots on the front burners, boiling. You never want the pots in the back to think you forgot about them, so you bring them up to the front every once in awhile for a stir. On-the-other-hand you don’t want the pots on the front burners to get to cocky and boil over… so you move them to the back for some slow cooking. It’s all about rotating your pots… never let one stay on the same burner for too long or it might get over cooked or even worse-cold. You gotta mix it up, switch your pots, add some spice, stir it up and when the contents of your pots start to get bland… it’s out with the old in with the new.
With Love and Pots
2.25.2010
“It's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes -- that's why you sometimes need really special shoes!”- Sex in The City
Dear Free Sprirts,
Some of you might be ‘numbers’ people, you enjoy the consistency and simplicity of 1+1=2 and that is truly a beautiful thing. I, on the other hand, loath with a great deal of passion, numbers. Numbers get me into trouble. I am absolutely terrible at math, I still count on my fingers and just take one look at my bank account and you will see; numbers and I don’t add up. I on the other hand love words; I like the ever-changing confusing world of words. You can take a word; place it in a sentence, move it to a different part, and watch the entire sentence’s meaning change. “Change is the only thing that is constant in this world,” A wise man once told me and I agree with this, I accepted this and I embody this.
Words and there ever-changing meaning got me thinking of a word that overtakes a great deal of my life and maybe yours. (Warning: if you just recently broke up with someone, you might want to take a seat)…… SINGLE.
It’s okay; really let’s talk about this…
Single: one, solo, by oneself; table for one; distinct, particular; isolated; unwed; individual.
The word Single never changes! Single will never mean more than one. (For you numbers people single=1 as 1=1) But in the great big world, depending on where you are in your life the word has such a vast difference of emotion and meaning attached to it. Sometimes in my life I find myself running from this word, hoping to be anything but it. Clinging to desperate and meaningless relationships; just so I don’t become associated with the dreaded S-word.
Other times I rejoice and count my blessings that this word follows me around like a lost puppy. I embrace the word and celebrate its only meaning: SINGLE. Sometimes I am proud and go to great lengths to announce my proclamation. But then there are times that I don’t… other times when I find myself, late night texting myself into trouble, just so I don’t feel the angry revenge. Or other times when I will break my standards and call up an old friend to muster up some revised version of a past relationship. All because some big event is around the corner that I can’t bear to face Single.
I’ve shed tears over this word, cursed this word, harbored bitterness, made mistakes, drank myself away and spent many sleepless nights because of this word. But other times, I’ve shouted cheers for this word, declared with great conviction this word, strived for this word, fought for this word, sang loud and anxious songs because of this word and lived many fun filled nights because of this word.
How can one single word (no pun intended) have so many implications depending on it’s placement in our lives?
Ladies here’s the thing, no matter when Single evaded your life… if it kicked you while you were down or if you are spreading your wings and about to dive into the single pool… embrace it, live in it, feel it, breathe it, have dinner with it, find the beauty in it… because no matter what mess of single you are in, at least you know you’re living it.
With Love and Single-ness,
Some of you might be ‘numbers’ people, you enjoy the consistency and simplicity of 1+1=2 and that is truly a beautiful thing. I, on the other hand, loath with a great deal of passion, numbers. Numbers get me into trouble. I am absolutely terrible at math, I still count on my fingers and just take one look at my bank account and you will see; numbers and I don’t add up. I on the other hand love words; I like the ever-changing confusing world of words. You can take a word; place it in a sentence, move it to a different part, and watch the entire sentence’s meaning change. “Change is the only thing that is constant in this world,” A wise man once told me and I agree with this, I accepted this and I embody this.
Words and there ever-changing meaning got me thinking of a word that overtakes a great deal of my life and maybe yours. (Warning: if you just recently broke up with someone, you might want to take a seat)…… SINGLE.
It’s okay; really let’s talk about this…
Single: one, solo, by oneself; table for one; distinct, particular; isolated; unwed; individual.
The word Single never changes! Single will never mean more than one. (For you numbers people single=1 as 1=1) But in the great big world, depending on where you are in your life the word has such a vast difference of emotion and meaning attached to it. Sometimes in my life I find myself running from this word, hoping to be anything but it. Clinging to desperate and meaningless relationships; just so I don’t become associated with the dreaded S-word.
Other times I rejoice and count my blessings that this word follows me around like a lost puppy. I embrace the word and celebrate its only meaning: SINGLE. Sometimes I am proud and go to great lengths to announce my proclamation. But then there are times that I don’t… other times when I find myself, late night texting myself into trouble, just so I don’t feel the angry revenge. Or other times when I will break my standards and call up an old friend to muster up some revised version of a past relationship. All because some big event is around the corner that I can’t bear to face Single.
I’ve shed tears over this word, cursed this word, harbored bitterness, made mistakes, drank myself away and spent many sleepless nights because of this word. But other times, I’ve shouted cheers for this word, declared with great conviction this word, strived for this word, fought for this word, sang loud and anxious songs because of this word and lived many fun filled nights because of this word.
How can one single word (no pun intended) have so many implications depending on it’s placement in our lives?
Ladies here’s the thing, no matter when Single evaded your life… if it kicked you while you were down or if you are spreading your wings and about to dive into the single pool… embrace it, live in it, feel it, breathe it, have dinner with it, find the beauty in it… because no matter what mess of single you are in, at least you know you’re living it.
With Love and Single-ness,
2.22.2010
“But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself."- Sex in The City
Dear Sex in the City Obessers,
So call me obsessed but I love the show Sex in The City, so much in fact that I have somehow created myself into my very own Sex in The City character. I was too young when the show was actually airing to appreciate the life changing capabilities but now I refer to my pink box set as the love and relationship bible. My favorite character is Carrie; I feel that our fabulous-ness is most alike. And the only issue with being this obsessed is I find myself not only quoting fabulous famous lines, (trying to slip them is as my own), but actually thinking “what would Carrie do”. Case in point:
“There are some women put in the world just to make you feel bad about yourself” (the bible) and one of my girl friends Lo, is this women. Lo is blonde and too pretty. She is not only one the most beautiful girls I have ever met but she is such a happy and wonderful person on the inside. She is one of those girls who when you meet, you are so jealous of her amazing-ness but then adjust because you think, “if just maybe we become friends, I can brush elbows enough with her to gain some tips or at the least be surrounded by the all the delicious men she attacks.”
Lo is one of my mentors and great friends, she’s poised, intelligent, content with life and lights up a room when she walks in. Oh did I mention she has an aspiring carrer in fashion? Yeah this girl is legit! Lo and I have had some fantastic times together, taking over nights and breaking hearts. Since we live in different cities we replay our lives to each other through various technologies. On our latest call she explained to me she was now talking to Mr. Perfect, but maybe not perfect for her. Now ladies, raise your hands if you have this man in your life, yes we often always do. Her Mr. Perfect for someone else, is handsome, intelligent, family oriented and has a nice bank account. He takes her on beautiful dates and since they live in different places, he visits her regularly. Where’s the problem right?! There isn’t one that’s the problem. See here I digress to the point…
The way I see it...there are two different types of dating. You can date for Marriage or you can date for Fun. For Marriage is the most traditional. Guy meets girl, guy courts girl, guy is so flipping fabulous and buys a huge rock and places it on the princess’s hand and they live happily ever after. This is how most of our parents dated and this is how many people choose to date. It is safe, it’s Christian, it’s practical, it’s romantic, it’s not filled with games and it works. (Warning: Do not check MY dating record for this proof) I am more of a hang by the seat of my dress type girl dating for Fun. Dating for fun is honestly ridiculous. You date guys with no real intention of marring them nor are you sure they know what the word marriage means. It’s not serious, you play lots of games and it may not be going anywhere but it’s fun. You always have great stories including that guy slash “something” (example: Q: “Are you dating anyone?’ A:“Oh I don’t know it’s not serious, it’s just something”) but nothing with a real relationship foundation. This can be a tricky and dangerous way to wear your heart, but for me, I love it. I call it The Independent Girl’s Dating Game. (that’s another entry in itself)
Now you see, the line between dating for Fun and dating for Marriage is a scary thing. It is thin, sometimes invisible, cracked in some places and sometimes transparent. When you meet a guy you start off on one side of this line, you make a subconscious evaluation of potential and determine your winning side. But then as the relationship continues all hell breaks loose. You sometimes jump to the other side of the line, because after careful consideration you have determined this guy is Marriage dating material or you decide that there is not a chance this dude will ever be meeting your parents. Crossing this line is the tricky part, sometimes you don’t realize you even did it, sometimes you do it to quick, sometimes you jump by yourself and sometimes you jump and crawl back with your heart bruised and battered. This is when things can get complicated and relationships become on the rocks, playing on different sides is never a good thing and a battle you’ll loose especially if you are playing it with yourself. Maybe it’s more about timing then personality or the actual guy you meet. When the time is right and you are ready you will date for Marriage and in the mean time date for Fun. Or maybe you’ve always been a Dater for Fun and now it’s time to switch it up. Either way, I continue to see this world of dating with sides.
Deciding what side of the line you are on is important and sometimes a hard self-conversation. But once you do this, it brings a world of clarity and helps with expectations. If you are dating someone right now in the present moment (or thinking about it) I challenge you to have this conversation. Whose side are you on: Marriage or Fun?
And here it is....my Sex in The City inner Carrie voice… “Can you ever date for Marriage and for Fun?”
With Love and Carrie
So call me obsessed but I love the show Sex in The City, so much in fact that I have somehow created myself into my very own Sex in The City character. I was too young when the show was actually airing to appreciate the life changing capabilities but now I refer to my pink box set as the love and relationship bible. My favorite character is Carrie; I feel that our fabulous-ness is most alike. And the only issue with being this obsessed is I find myself not only quoting fabulous famous lines, (trying to slip them is as my own), but actually thinking “what would Carrie do”. Case in point:
“There are some women put in the world just to make you feel bad about yourself” (the bible) and one of my girl friends Lo, is this women. Lo is blonde and too pretty. She is not only one the most beautiful girls I have ever met but she is such a happy and wonderful person on the inside. She is one of those girls who when you meet, you are so jealous of her amazing-ness but then adjust because you think, “if just maybe we become friends, I can brush elbows enough with her to gain some tips or at the least be surrounded by the all the delicious men she attacks.”
Lo is one of my mentors and great friends, she’s poised, intelligent, content with life and lights up a room when she walks in. Oh did I mention she has an aspiring carrer in fashion? Yeah this girl is legit! Lo and I have had some fantastic times together, taking over nights and breaking hearts. Since we live in different cities we replay our lives to each other through various technologies. On our latest call she explained to me she was now talking to Mr. Perfect, but maybe not perfect for her. Now ladies, raise your hands if you have this man in your life, yes we often always do. Her Mr. Perfect for someone else, is handsome, intelligent, family oriented and has a nice bank account. He takes her on beautiful dates and since they live in different places, he visits her regularly. Where’s the problem right?! There isn’t one that’s the problem. See here I digress to the point…
The way I see it...there are two different types of dating. You can date for Marriage or you can date for Fun. For Marriage is the most traditional. Guy meets girl, guy courts girl, guy is so flipping fabulous and buys a huge rock and places it on the princess’s hand and they live happily ever after. This is how most of our parents dated and this is how many people choose to date. It is safe, it’s Christian, it’s practical, it’s romantic, it’s not filled with games and it works. (Warning: Do not check MY dating record for this proof) I am more of a hang by the seat of my dress type girl dating for Fun. Dating for fun is honestly ridiculous. You date guys with no real intention of marring them nor are you sure they know what the word marriage means. It’s not serious, you play lots of games and it may not be going anywhere but it’s fun. You always have great stories including that guy slash “something” (example: Q: “Are you dating anyone?’ A:“Oh I don’t know it’s not serious, it’s just something”) but nothing with a real relationship foundation. This can be a tricky and dangerous way to wear your heart, but for me, I love it. I call it The Independent Girl’s Dating Game. (that’s another entry in itself)
Now you see, the line between dating for Fun and dating for Marriage is a scary thing. It is thin, sometimes invisible, cracked in some places and sometimes transparent. When you meet a guy you start off on one side of this line, you make a subconscious evaluation of potential and determine your winning side. But then as the relationship continues all hell breaks loose. You sometimes jump to the other side of the line, because after careful consideration you have determined this guy is Marriage dating material or you decide that there is not a chance this dude will ever be meeting your parents. Crossing this line is the tricky part, sometimes you don’t realize you even did it, sometimes you do it to quick, sometimes you jump by yourself and sometimes you jump and crawl back with your heart bruised and battered. This is when things can get complicated and relationships become on the rocks, playing on different sides is never a good thing and a battle you’ll loose especially if you are playing it with yourself. Maybe it’s more about timing then personality or the actual guy you meet. When the time is right and you are ready you will date for Marriage and in the mean time date for Fun. Or maybe you’ve always been a Dater for Fun and now it’s time to switch it up. Either way, I continue to see this world of dating with sides.
Deciding what side of the line you are on is important and sometimes a hard self-conversation. But once you do this, it brings a world of clarity and helps with expectations. If you are dating someone right now in the present moment (or thinking about it) I challenge you to have this conversation. Whose side are you on: Marriage or Fun?
And here it is....my Sex in The City inner Carrie voice… “Can you ever date for Marriage and for Fun?”
With Love and Carrie
2.19.2010
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"-Plato
Dear World Wide Web,
I have decided to create a blog. I have been reading my friend’s blogs for quite some time now, holding back laughter at the comical value an everyday person can share with the world. So I have decided to create something as well, figuring I at the very least brighten some ones boring work day. My close friends say that I should write a book, about my crazy life, with my crazy friends, with my crazy encounters, to inspire or at least entertain the minds of other crazies. And with enough time, vodka and money I might just do that, but for now I will take advantage of this. So hold on your seats my friends (no one is safe), this is my life as I know it!
As some of you might know since my freshman year I have been obsessed with the number 23. I didn't quite invite this number into my life; it kind of walked in, sat down and it hasn't stopped buzzing in my ear. I run into this number everywhere! Sometimes in good times, sometimes in shady moments and the only common dominator is the number combo of 2 and 3. For those who of you that I have had the scary slash fabulous privilege of spending the last 5 years with, YOU know that this number has issues. So what does this have to do with the price of eggs in china?? Well people…… I turn 23 in April.
Now let me explain... when I was 18 years I mapped out my life, I’m a planner and that’s what I do.. I thought this was light years away… and on my map of destination 23 I would be sophisticated, charming, wise and calm. I would obviously be married to wonderful man with a( side-part and a bank account) and then we’d be planning our lives together. I would have a house and a job; driving to and from in a BMW. I would understand Religion and have control of the uncontrollable…
Well I obviously need to update my map, because I am nowhere near this destination! But have no fear, I have to be honest here people, I could not be happier with where my life is at 23. I am blessed beyond belief and I am starting a new fresh fabulous chapter in my life and from the looks of it, this one is going to be even more outrageous than the last.
So please come along with me as I document this monumental year in my life. I promise there will be tears, there will be laughter, there will be head shakes and there will be jaws dropped. And above all it will be filled with crazy beautiful life.
With love and 23
I have decided to create a blog. I have been reading my friend’s blogs for quite some time now, holding back laughter at the comical value an everyday person can share with the world. So I have decided to create something as well, figuring I at the very least brighten some ones boring work day. My close friends say that I should write a book, about my crazy life, with my crazy friends, with my crazy encounters, to inspire or at least entertain the minds of other crazies. And with enough time, vodka and money I might just do that, but for now I will take advantage of this. So hold on your seats my friends (no one is safe), this is my life as I know it!
As some of you might know since my freshman year I have been obsessed with the number 23. I didn't quite invite this number into my life; it kind of walked in, sat down and it hasn't stopped buzzing in my ear. I run into this number everywhere! Sometimes in good times, sometimes in shady moments and the only common dominator is the number combo of 2 and 3. For those who of you that I have had the scary slash fabulous privilege of spending the last 5 years with, YOU know that this number has issues. So what does this have to do with the price of eggs in china?? Well people…… I turn 23 in April.
Now let me explain... when I was 18 years I mapped out my life, I’m a planner and that’s what I do.. I thought this was light years away… and on my map of destination 23 I would be sophisticated, charming, wise and calm. I would obviously be married to wonderful man with a( side-part and a bank account) and then we’d be planning our lives together. I would have a house and a job; driving to and from in a BMW. I would understand Religion and have control of the uncontrollable…
Well I obviously need to update my map, because I am nowhere near this destination! But have no fear, I have to be honest here people, I could not be happier with where my life is at 23. I am blessed beyond belief and I am starting a new fresh fabulous chapter in my life and from the looks of it, this one is going to be even more outrageous than the last.
So please come along with me as I document this monumental year in my life. I promise there will be tears, there will be laughter, there will be head shakes and there will be jaws dropped. And above all it will be filled with crazy beautiful life.
With love and 23
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